Page 16 - AreaNewsletters "Dec 2021" issue

HEALTH • WELLNESS • LIFESTYLE
FAMI
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What’s Not To Love?
If you are like me, it is entirely
possible that while you love everyone
in your family, you may not always
“love” spending time with all the
people in your family. Holidays can
bring all of those feelings to the
forefront. However, one thing I
have found to help is to look at the
different ways people communicate.
This can help you anticipate their
reactions which, in turn, can make
you feel more prepared to handle bumps in the road. This is not to say you cannot or will not be surprised - but at least you have a rough idea of both what to expect and how best to communicate in response to these different communication styles.
To begin, we have the passive communicators. These people are actually chill. They are the ones who do not really have strong feelings about having Christmas dinner at 1 pm versus at 3 pm. They will likely not be hurt if the rolls were bought in Costco or if Grandma baked them. They tend to avoid conflict and will be unlikely to engage in passionate conversation. They are not looking for conflict, but as a result, conflict management is not always their strong point.
Then, we have the famous cousin to the passive communicators: the passive aggressive communicators. These communicators have mastered the art of sarcasm and varying degrees of subtility. These are the people who say, “Oh, well store bought apple pie is fine, but obviously my mother always made her own.” These communicators have December 2021 • Castle Rock “AreaNewsletters”
a knack for pushing buttons while feigning innocence.
You might think an aggressive communicator is the one who would be immediately picked from the crowd, but the reality is a little different: it can depend on the recipient. For example, an individual might actually have a very low, level voice “suggesting” who opens presents first; however, if the result
is someone feeling threatened that if the “suggested” person does not go first, dire consequences will result, that is still an aggressive communicator. In other words, other factors play into this type of communication. An aggressive communicator will not be interested in listening to others or exercise much empathy; however, again, that can be selectively directed – not everyone is a target of this aggressive communication. This is by design – it is much easier to convince the few on the receiving end they are crazy for thinking this language is threatening when the threat only applies to a few.
An assertive communicator is one that is direct, firm, positive, and persistent. In other words, their message matches their words: if they prefer homemade pumpkin pie, they don’t make snide remarks about ones from the store. That said, they are not attaching someone’s value to said pie – Christmas is not ruined based on the sourcing of pies. They do not shy away from confrontation, but they do not go searching for it, either. For this reason, they are also not looking for power imbalances to
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Change often begins when we admit
our own tendencies and humbly work on our own style of communication rst.