Page 24 - YourCrew Demo

setting boundaries with mates
Scenario:
Step 1: Define your limits
Notice when you are feeling uncomfortable, unsafe, scared, etc.
as well as who and what makes you feel this way. These are your
limits. This links back with being able to identify our emotions
and notice any patterns, triggers or reactions.
Step 2: Identify your feelings
Consider any barriers to communicating your boundaries; are
you scared of losing a friendship? Feeling guilty about setting
boundaries? Uncomfortable with confrontation or concerned
how someone will react (e.g. get angry, ignore you).
Step 3: Communicate
Keep your discussion simple and straightforward, using ‘I’
statements. Stay calm and respectful. e.g. “It really bothers me
when you say things like that to me. It’s mean and unnecessary
and I don’t like it. Please don’t do that anymore.”
Step 4: Set consequences
Lay out some clear consequences for when people continue
crossing your boundaries and try to stick to them. It’s helpful to
think about what you are prepared to do or lose before you say
it, to avoid making empty threats or not being consistent. E.g.
“if you carry on speaking to me like that then I won’t hang out
with you anymore.”
Step 5: Prepare for fallout
True friends will respect your feelings and stick around,
hopefully changing their behaviour to make sure you feel
comfortable and respected. Sometimes, however, standing up
to someone might result in people getting nasty.
Step 6: Be gracious and open to behaviour change
Calling someone out on their behaviour can sometimes trigger
a defensive response, as deep down they could be feeling
ashamed of being the cause of people feeling bad. Initially,
they could argue or walk away but be able to reflect and
change their behaviour over time. Accept apologies gracefully
and support their change in behaviour; we all make mistakes.
Module 1, Activity 4: Setting Boundaries Worksheet