Page 11 - foodservice news - July 2018

HUCK’S RANT
11
Ioften wonder if I didn’t have a beard whether people would confuse me for a pregnant lady.
By often I mean once or twice. And by pregnant lady, I mean fat man – not that I view those with a bun in the oven that way.
But, having caught myself in the mirror recently when wearing less than Cher on a battleship (hell,
if I could turn back time), I soon discovered that from the right angle
You don’t want to be in the awkward position of assuming
someone has something baking in their belly ... But is your front of house trained to know what they can and can’t eat? Are the chefs aware? Not all ingredients are listed on any menu so diners are left in the hands of the professionals.
I had a bun in the oven. I guess I behave like I’m eating for two.
Where was I? Oh yeah. Diners come in all shapes and sizes, with allergies, dislikes, religious eating regimes and well, just fussy fools too.
One that isn’t perhaps thought of as much is diners up the duff – an experience I’ll never understand, but I’ve witnessed it from the cheap seats.
How does your establishment accommodate pregnant women?
You don’t want to be in the awkward position of assuming someone has something baking in their belly – after all some women have bellies like yours truly. But
is your front of house trained to know what they can and can’t eat? Are the chefs aware? Not all ingredients are listed on any menu so diners are left in the hands of the professionals.
I’m not suggesting staff should rub their backs and burp them at the end of the meal, but there’s a list of no-nos including raw or partially cooked egg, peanuts, raw seafood, especially shellfish, soft wash rind cheeses, cold smallgoods, pate, liver and so many more. Rich and fatty foods are generally something to
be avoided. They’re not the only ones eating it don’t forget. But also, the problem with this is every woman reacts differently to different foods – and conversely crave others. And their appetite can wane in
a matter of mouthfuls.
One day I was innocently
shoving a banana down my throat when my wife, who was housing our twin girls at the time, demanded I “get that banana away from me!” – as if the smell of this had come from the bowels of Satan himself.
Even though food can be a minefield, I seem to recall drinks posing more of a problem. My wife and I have always had a healthy appreciation for a liquid lunch, and I have vivid memories of her disappointment of almost every venue lacking non-alcoholic beverages – apart from a few lame ‘mocktails’ – even the name is taking the piss – or something fruity with soda added like some sort of token vegetarian dish in a meat den. I’m not suggesting you need to create an entire menu, but training staff to understand
a large portion of the communities needs might win a family’s patronage for life. Just sayin’.
DINING UP THE DUFF
WITH HALF THE POPULATION HAVING A GOOD CHANCE OF BECOMING PREGNANT SOME DAY, ANTHONY HUCKSTEP CONSIDERS HOW WELL OUR RESTAURANTS AND CAFES CATER TO THIS PARTICULAR SUBSET OF DINER.
Anthony Huckstep is the national restaurant critic for delicious. and a food writer for The Australian, GQ Australia and QANTAS.
–andohwhatanangle–Icould pass as the bearded lady from the Jim Rose Freak Circus. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
A restaurant critic’s physique is a sight for sore eyes; or perhaps a sight causing sore eyes.
Nevertheless, I have the most magnificent, round, full belly, which from behind is hidden
by my, well, I guess it’s obscured by my large behind.
My point being if I wore different attire it could look like