Page 17 - foodservice Magazine August 2018

HUCK’S RANT
17
TOUGH LOVE
AFTER A MEMORABLE VISIT TO A NEW RESTAURANT FOR ALL
THE WRONG REASONS, ANTHONY HUCKSTEP GETS ON TO HIS SOAPBOX TO BEMOAN THE ENTIRE LACK OF GOOD FOOD AND SERVICE.
Iknow my tough, rugged exterior is misleading, but I’m actually romantic
at heart and goddamn it, love hurts. It can crush you like
a cumquat beneath the butt cheeks of an oversized elephant.
Anyway, recently I skipped like an innocent schoolboy in anticipation of the offering at a new restaurant hopeful there’d be a new culinary love in my life.
As annoying as some guests can be; as much as you want to watch them choke on their chowder; or have a swarm of psychotic bees pour from your mouth at the faces of fiends
that are fouler than a fresh durian (ok, maybe that’s a bit much) – the truth is every successful operator never loses focus on the fact that it’s all about the punter.
But with dung flying into
the fans in the kitchen, the ovens down, the staffing failing to let guests know and the chef willing to send out below par food, it soon felt like a break up before we even got to kiss.
A disappointment like meeting your hero only to find out they’re a bigger douche bag than Donnie Trump (is that even possible?)
If you are willing to send out food that you wouldn’t feed to your dog, then good luck to you. Close the kitchen chef. Sure you might lose a day’s takings, which can hurt, but surely an inconvenience for the diner is far better than dishing up a dog’s breakfast no one would return for.
My biggest issue was the fact staff didn’t convey any issues in the back of house. Actually I’d have got better service from a stoned snail with a bad back.
What they failed to remember is that hospitality comes down to one thing: customers.
As tough as the Groundhog Day of hospitality gets; as annoying as some guests can be; as much as you want to watch them choke on their chowder; or have a
swarm of psychotic bees pour
from your mouth at the faces of fiends that are fouler than a fresh durian (ok, maybe that’s a bit much) – the truth is every successful operator never loses focus on the fact that it’s all about the punter.
That’s why their restaurant is full.
It might be your little dream, but the idea is to make other’s dreams come true.
You can have the quirkiest wines on the planet, the most creative, talented chef on the pans and a holier-than-thou focus of paddock-to-plate all you want, but the moment is about you, and not them, you can roll up your knife bag and visit the administrators. Now don’t get confused with the old cliché that the customer is always right, because that’s not what I’m suggesting.
Everything you do, cook, clean, serve, entertain – it’s all
to ensure your guest not only leaves with a full belly and a high perception of value but yearns to return too. You can have as many seats as you want but if there’s no bums for them you’ll be out on your ass in no time.
Anthony Huckstep is the national restaurant critic for delicious. and a food writer for The Australian, GQ Australia and QANTAS.
Ok, I walked, but before I tell you what the hell I’m talking about, just imagine, if you will, a 42-year- old plump panda in a Pantera shirt bouncing along. You’re welcome.
Where was I? Oh yeah, but love isn’t given out so freely, of course.
Sure the setting was smart, the menu and indeed culinary focus was enticing and the wine list was temptingly tighter than Pavarotti’s pants.