Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #511

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
Mom: What did you do at school today?
Mark: We played a guessing game.
Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam?
Mark: That’s right.
Al: When was your son born?
Sam: In March, he came the first of the month.
Al: Is that why you named him "Bill"?
My wife said to me, "How on earth are we going to use 9% less gas this win- ter?"
"You can stop burning my dinner for a start," I replied.
Priest: Do you have any confes- sions?
Man: I did some- thing Father, but I am not sure if it was a sin.
Priest: Did you enjoy it?
Man: Yes father Priest: It was a
sin.
While my parents were making their funeral arrange- ments, the ceme- tery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. “You’ll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,” he assured them.
Dad wasn’t sold. Without missing a beat he told the salesman, “Unless you’re including a periscope with my casket, I don’t know how I’m going to enjoy that.”
A surgeon was invited to Thanksgiving din- ner at a friend's house.
The host deftly carved the turkey and said, "I'd make a pretty good surgeon, don't you think?"
The surgeon replied, "Anybody can take it apart. Let's see you put it back together again."
Before setting off on a business trip to Tulsa, I called the hotel where I'd be staying to
see if they had a gym. The hotel receptionist's sigh had a tinge of exasperation in it when she answered.
"We have over 300 guests at at this facility," she said. "Does this 'Jim' have a last name?"
The elevator in our building mal- functioned one day, leaving sev- eral of us strand- ed. Seeing a sign that listed two emergency phone numbers, I dialed the first and explained our sit- uation.
After what seemed to be a very long silence, the voice on the other end said, "I don't know what you expect me to do for you. I'm a psychologist."
"A psychologist?" I replied. "Your phone is listed here as an emer- gency number. Can't you help us?"
"Well," he finally responded in a measured tone. "How do you feel about being stuck in an elevator?"
Drive-through Light Shows In Texas Keep COVID-19 Safety In Mind
Click Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETJICZK3jNg
By Ben Hooper
Nov. 20 (UPI) -
- A company specializing in holiday events is bringing socially distant holiday cheer to North Texas with a trio of "light show extravaganzas" where the spec- tators never leave their vehi- cles.
The Peerless Production Group
created "Radianc e! A Holiday Light Spectacular," wit h three locations
in Texas: Frisco, Decatur and Weatherford.
Each location offers a unique light show expe- rience spread out over the course of 1 to 1 1/2 miles.
Warren Michael Lyng, who helped develop the shows, said they were designed
with COVID-
19 safety in mind. He said spectators drive- through the course and never
leave their cars.
"You are handed a hot chocolate as you drive in and can take as many pictures as you want,"
Lyng told KTVT- TV. "You experi- ence the Christmas joy while the music is playing over the radio where the lights are ani- mated to the music and you get to experience Christmas, not just once, but in three locations in North Texas."
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine