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The only true FREE CLASSIFIEDS in the Antelope Valley... Where buyers and sellers meet!
Officer to driver going the wrong way up a one way street. "And where do you think you are going?"
Driver: - "I'm not sure, but I must be late as everyone else is coming back."
The teacher said; “Take a pencil and paper, and write an essay with the title ‘If I Were a Millionaire.’”
Everyone but Joe, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write feverishly.
“What’s the matter,” the teacher asked. “Why don’t you begin?”
“I’m waiting for my secre- tary,” Joe replied.
After a hard day of drilling, the drill sergeant let the troops go. "All right, you idiots, report to the mess hall."
Everybody walked away, sweating and their heads down, thankful for the end of the hard day.
Only one private remained. He looked at the officer and sincerely said, "Boy, there sure were a lot of them, huh, serge."
Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good!
Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have per- fect eyesight."
front porch one day and sees a gorilla in the tree on his front lawn.
He calls animal control and about an hour later a man shows up with a ladder, a pit bull, and a shotgun.
The animal control employee tells the man, "I'm here to get the goril- la out of your tree.
I'm going to use this lad- der to climb up the tree and shake the branch the gorilla is on to knock him to the ground. The pit bull is trained to go after anything that falls from the tree and bites their balls which calms the animal down so I can put him in the truck."
The man says "Okay, I see what the ladder and the pit bull are for but what is the shotgun for?"
The animal control employee says, "Oh, that's for you.
In case I fall out of the tree instead of the gorilla, shoot the dog."
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Last week was my birth- day. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday.
My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my col- leagues didn't wish me a happy birthday.
As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch.
After lunch, she invited me to her apartment.
We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?"
"Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SUR- PRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
One night at a local bar frequented by a bunch of deer hunters who were waiting for the opening day of deer season, the local sheriff scoped out the joint for possible drunk drivers.
As he waited, eventually a patron stumbled out of the bar, fumbled for his keys, tried them in three different cars until he finally found his, got inside and rested his head on the steering wheel. The deputy knew he had his drunk driver, sonowallhehadtodo was wait for him to start his engine and pull out of the lot.
A few hours passed by and most of the other deer hunters had left by then, when the patron abruptly lifted his head, cranked the car up and drove out of the lot like a bat out of hell. The deputy followed him and stopped him promptly. He administered the breath-o-lizer test and it read 0.00.
Confused, the deputy asked the driver what the hell was going on. The driver looked at him inno- cently and said, “Well, tonight I’m the designat- ed decoy.”
A man walks out on his
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661-266-4-ADS
ANTELOPE VALLEY FREE CLASSIFIEDS ;
13” Dexter rim for very old trailer. Good cond $35 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm376
73 Chevy suburban radio, new cond $40 • 943-6071375
Hood for 67 Chevy truck $100 • 824-4436374
Power steering, gear box, pump & pitmenarm for 1969 Camaro, trade for complete manual steering • 305- 5724373
Steering wheel lock for clas- sic cars $40 • 256-4904373
Classic car alarm sys $50 • 256-4904373
Big rig diesel tires. 10 lugs, size 10x20. Some w/ rims
$25-$100 • 544-7074 373
Repair manual for basic car- buration & fuel sys $35. The how & why for all things car- burator. Includes smog, emissions, fuel pumps & lines • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-8:30pm only
373
4 Chrome rims, 16”x7”. 5lugs for 2011 Subaru Impreza $200 • 618-8601
372
Motorcycle parts & acces- sories. Riding gears from 1960 -present. Japanese, European & Harley • 917-
376 3383
Chiltons repair manual for GM cars 1982-1992. Covers Chevy Celebrity, Buick Century, Olds Cutlass, Pontiac Ciera $24 • 272- 9273 bet 8am-8:30pm only
352
Emergency “Skinny” tires, 4 & 5 lug rims. Fits Ford, GM & others on 15” rims $15ea • 272-9273 between
8:30am-8:30pm
331
1 Goodyear P235/55R17, near new, 75% tread left $25 • 272-9273 between 8:30am-8:30pm331
Chevy antique truck emblem w/ lock to open trunk. Not sure what make or year. Possibly mid 1950’s • 272-9273 between 8:30am-8:30pm331
Mid 1950’s F250 emblem. One only, great cond $35 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-
330 8:30pm
1” ball trailer hitch $15. No ball, just hitch. 1.25”x1.25”x13”long for rid- ing mowers & small tractors • 272-9273 bet 8:30am- 8:30pm330
Big rigs/bus tires snow chains $60/pr. Call for sizes • 272-9273 bet 8:30am- 8:30pm330
14” & 15” tire snow chains for passeger cars $25/pr • 272-9273 bet 8:30am- 8:30pm330
all scion car accessories
Secure Shopping - Fast Service - Quality Products. Rear View Camera - Lumbar Support - Seat Heaters - Cruise Control - Arm Rest(with or without storage) - Sports Grilles - Dash Kits - Body Kits - Wheels Skins - Car Mats - LeBra Hood Protector - Window Covers - Dash Mats - Seat Gloves - Pet Pads - Wind Deflector - Pet Protector - Head Lights & Fog Lights Protector & Many other items.... www.allscion.com
C a R S
We buy Junk cars & Trucks. Local Towing for only $39.99 / 24 Hour serv-
ice • 466-6038 / 942-5148
95 Ford Escort LX, good cond, everything works, well maintained $1600 • 754- 1629369
2009 Honda Fit Sport, 98k miles, very clean. Metallic orange, great shape $9500 • 794-7421369
90 Mercedes Benz 560SEL, 80% restored, black on black $1200 • 483-4873
376
82 Pontiac Firebird, red, newer tires $500 • 266-
0278 375
BOaTS & WaTERCRaFT
2005 Aluminum 14’ fishing boat w/ 2006 trailer • 760- 382-6838376
21’ Bass Buster Suntracker pontoon boat, 40hp Yamaha
& trailer • 760-382-6838
376
Canopy for small boat. Made of thick vinyl w/ metal frame. 61 1/2” wide at bot- tom base x 24” high. Older, been in storage $50 • 272- 9273 bet 8am-8:30pm376
Heavy duty rubber raft w/ two paddles. Holds 2 small- er people or 1 big person. No leaks. $50 xlnt cond • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm
375
Tehachapi: 26’ Sea Ray cabin cruiser w/ tandem axle trailer. Upgraded to inboard. Dinette, half cabin, 3 batteries, full galley, teak swing step • 818-384-3404373
Boat w/o an engine. Yellow & white, brand new $400 • 754-0153373
Glastron open bow, haul only. Missing motor & drive
$150 • 544-7074 373
Bayliner 20’, fishing type. Haul only $250 • 544-7074373
Yellow 19’ Shaparell jet boat, haul only $250 • 544-
7074 373
CLaSSIC
72 Ford truck, 3/4ton, 390 motor, auto $1500 • 945-
5901 372
70 El Camino SS, big block,
Racing kart parts. New & used. Wheels, tires, acces- sories, tools & more $375obo • 917-3383
376
Original 1973 Cadillac Eldorado radio, 8 track am/fm, works $60 • 943- 6071375
Chrysler/Dodge/Eagle repair manual 1993-97 $18. Chrysler LHS, Concorde & New Yorker. Also Dodge Intrepid & Eagle Vision. In good shape • 272-9273 bet
37 8:30am-8:30pm
Flywheels for V8 Chevy motors $21. For older chevy motor • 272-9273 bet
8:30am-8:30pm 37
Used tire, 65% tread left $23. P215/65/R17 • 272- 9273 bet 8am-8:30pm only
366
2001-02 Chevy Impala back seat only. I have no other parts $40 • 272-9273 bet
8:30am-8:30pm 363
Older cabover camper from late 1970’s for long bed pick up. Good living cond. Has sink, stove, shower, toilet. Sleeps 4 comfortably. Needs minor exterior repair $375 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-8:30pm only
354
Chilton’s repair manual for Mazda cars 1978-89, good cond. Models 323, 626, 929, GLC, MX-6 & RX7 $20 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm
only
352