Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #530

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
"I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!"
"He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at him."
The mother said, "When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me."
"Thanks, Mom," the boy replied. "But my aim is much better than yours."
Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediate- ly wanted to know what happened. "So, how did you do son?" he asked.
"You'll never believe it!" Billy said. "I was responsible for the winning run!"
"Really? How'd you do that?"
"I dropped the ball."
Law of Mechanical
Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly propor- tional to the stu- pidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong num- ber, you never get a busy signal - and someone always answers.
Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the tele- phone rings.
Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dra-
matically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!
I was reading an article last night about fathers and daughters and memories came flooding back of the time I took my daughter out for her first pint.
Off we went to our local pub which is only two blocks from the house.
I got her a Fosters. She did- n't like it... so I had it.
Then I got her a Carling Black Label, she didn't like it... so I had it.
It was the same with the 1664 Lager and Premium Dry Cider.
By the time we got down to the Scotch I could hardly push the stroller back home.
Austrian Man Kept Dead Mother In Cellar For Pension
A man kept the mummified corpse of his mother in a base- ment for over a year while contin- uing to receive her pension pay- ments, Austrian police say.
The 89-year-old woman, who reportedly had dementia, is thought to have died of natural causes in June last year.
Her son, 66, is said to have put her body in his cellar and used ice packs and bandages to mask the smell.
Police believe he may have illegal- ly received about €50,000 (£42,000) in pay- ments.
The suspected fraud only came to light after a new postman delivering the woman's benefits in the western Tyrol region was refused a request to see her, police said in a state- ment.
That sparked an investigation, and led to the subse- quent grisly dis- covery.
Police told Austria's public broadcaster ORF that the suspect had also covered his mother with cat litter. "Ultimately, the corpse was mummified," offi- cer Helmuth Gufler said, adding that the man had con-
fessed.
Mr Gufler said the man had no other income, and had told them that the payments would have stopped immediately if he had reported the death, leaving him unable to afford to pay for his mother's funeral or to keep the house they had shared.
The suspect also said he had told his brother that their mother was receiving care at a hospital, and that it was not worth visiting as her condition meant it was unlikely she would recognise him, ORF report- ed.
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