Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #437

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
A retired man moves near a junior high school. He spends the first few weeks of retirement in peace and quiet. However, when a new school year begins, three young boys beat on every trash can they encounter every day on their way home from school.
Finally, the man decides to take action and walks out to meet the boys. He says, "You kids are a lot of fun. I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids continue to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.
After a few days, the man tells the kids, "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income. From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans." The noisemakers are dis- pleased, but they accept his offer.
A few days later, the retiree approaches them again. "Look," he says, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to pay more than 25 cents. Will that be OK?"
"A freakin' quarter?" the drum leader exclaims. "If you think we're going to waste our time beat- ing these cans
around for a quarter, you're nuts. We quit."
A child psychologist had twin boys—one was an optimist; the other, a pessimist. Just to see what would happen, on Christmas Day he loaded the pes- simist’s room with toys and games. In the optimist’s room, he dumped a pile of horse droppings.
That night, the father found the pessimist surrounded by his gifts, crying.
“What’s wrong?” the father asked.
“Ihaveatonof game manuals to read ... I need bat- teries ... and my toys will all eventual- ly get broken!” sobbed the pes- simist.
Passing the opti- mist’s room, the father found him dancing for joy around the pile of droppings. “Why are you so happy?” he asked.
The optimist shout- ed, “There’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!”
What is the definition of adult?
ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
A 106-year-old cow- boy in Texas recently passed away. He was asked on his last birthday earlier this year his secret to longevity.
He told them that for the past 50 years he had sprinkled a little gunpowder on his cereal each morning.
He left behind 8 chil- dren, 21 grandchil- dren, 32 great- grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole in the crematorium.
The girlfriend stands by door, not sure what to say. “Honey, why is your whole upper half covered in baby oil?”
“Well, you’re always saying I never glis- ten,” replies the boyfriend.
“Listen! I said you never LISTEN!”
The boss had lis- tened in sympathetic silence as Mario went through the reasons why he needed, and felt he deserved, a raise.
Then, with a com- passionate smile, the CEO patted the younger man on the shoulder. “Yes, Mario,” he said kind- ly, “I know you can’t get married on the salary I’m paying you... and some day you’ll thank me for it.”
Florida Woman Suspects Affair, Finds Secretly-Recorded Images of Herself Instead, Cops Say
A Florida woman who suspected her mother's live- in partner was having an affair got quite the sur- prise when she discovered videos of herself undressing and in the nude on a family computer, officials said.
Matthew Bordeaux, 48, was arrested Sunday and charged with video voyeurism after the woman's daughter looked at files under Bordeaux's pro- file on the family computer and discovered the man had taken pictures of her with two secret
cameras, authori- ties said.
The cameras were concealed inside an electri- cal wall socket in her bedroom and an AC adapter in a shared bath- room, according to court
records obtained by the Sun Sentinel.
Bordeaux, who has lived with the mother and daughter "as a family" for seven years, had more than 2,500 images taken by the two cameras, Sunrise police said.
According to court records, the victim told investi-
gators that when the three of them moved from a nearby town, Bordeaux gave her the wall sock- et to use, saying it was "too expensive" to leave behind.
A memory card on the device allowed Bordeaux to transfer the images to a com- puter, where he kept pictures in a folder that was not password- protected.
Bordeaux appeared in court Monday, where he was ordered held on $10,000 bond.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine