Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #445

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
A man visits a friend recovering from flu, who says it's been a happy and wonderful experience.
"How so?"
"I've found out how much my wife loves me - she's been so pleased to have me home."
"How do you know?"
"Well, every time the mailman, the UPS guy or the FedEx guy comes by, she runs out shouting 'My hus- band is home! My husband is home!'
A man calls the hospital. He shouts into the receiver, “You gotta send some help, and fast!
My wife’s going into labor!”
The nurse says, “Calm down. Is this her first child?” “No!” he shouts back. “This is her husband!”
"If you had one dol- lar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?"
"One dollar."
"You don't know your arithmetic."
"You don't know my father!"
Alex to his friend Francis: “Yesterday was my wife’s birthday, and I asked her, 'What gift would you like to have?'”
Francis : “What did she say?"
Alex: "She said, 'Give me anything which has dia- monds in it.'”
Francis: “So what did you give her?”
Alex: “A deck of playing cards.”
A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, I'll show you how."
Two old ladies meet for the first time since they left school. One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school, did you manage to live a well-planned life?"
friend. "My first marriage was to a millionaire, my sec- ond to an actor, third to a preacher and I'm now mar- ried to an undertak- er."
Her friend asked, "What do those marriages have to do with a well- planned life?"
"One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go!"
I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very upset when the doctor told me I needed a tonsillec- tomy. Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admis- sion form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn't speak.
The nurse patted my hand and said, "Don't worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it's not a dan- gerous procedure."
"You're right. I'm being silly," I said, "please continue."
"Good," the nurse went on, "Now, do you have a living will?"
What do you call a bee that comes from America?
A USB!
"Oh yes," said her
College Sues Former Student Who Refuses To Leave Dorm
By AP
A New York City college is trying to evict a former student who it says is illegally squatting in her dorm room.
Hunter College has filed a law- suit against 32- year-old Lisa Palmer, saying the woman owes more than $94,000 in unpaid resi- dence hall fees since she dropped out in
2016.
The lawsuit says Palmer was denied summer hous- ing in 2016. She remained in her dorm, despite the school sending several notices that she would be charged $150 a day if she stayed.
Palmer was issued a 30-day eviction notice in September 2017. She
refused to leave, prompt- ing the school to file its law- suit.
Palmer, a for- mer geography major, says she plans to stay and fight the case.
A Hunter College spokesperson says they can- not comment on pending litiga- tion.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine