Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #404

The only true FREE CLASSIFIEDS in the Antelope Valley... Where buyers and sellers meet!
A gentleman enters a restaurant and asks the waitress what was on special. She replied, "Today we have lobster tales for 50 cents."
He said, "I'll take a dozen!"
She told him since it was a special he would have to pay in advance which he did. Then she said, "Are you ready for your first tale?"
He assured her he could- n't wait. Then she began... "Once upon a time there was this little lobster....."
Little Hope was practic- ing the violin in the living room while her father was trying to read in the den.
The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of lit- tle Hope's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.
The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up and yelled above the noise, "Can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!"
When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.
He inspected his photo for a moment and com- mented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this pic- ture."
The clerk looked at his picture closely. "It's okay," he reassured the man, "that's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over any- way."
A police officer saw a woman knitting as she was driving. He could not believe his eyes. He
yelled at her to pull over. She rolled down her win- dow and yelled back, "No, its a scarf!"
A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asks, "What's that for?"
"It's for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He replies, "Gotcha!"
A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him, "Hey, come over here buddy!" The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks, "Were you talking to me?"
The horse replies, "Sure was, man I've got a prob- lem. I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this farmer bought meandnowallIdois pull a plow and I'm sick of it. Why don't you run up to the house and offer him $5,000 to buy me. I'll make you some money cause I can still run."
The jogger thought to himself,"Boy, a talking horse!" Dollar signs start- ed appearing in his head. So he runs to the house and the old farmer is sit- ting on the porch. The jogger tells the farmer, "Hey man, I'll give you $5,000 for that old bro- ken down nag you've got in the field."
The farmer replies, "Son, you can't believe any- thing that horse says. He's never even been to Kentucky."
Bill O'Reilly and his chauffeur accidentally hit and kill a farmer's pig while driving through the country.
O'Reilly tells the chauf-
feur to apologize to the farmer. They drive up to the farm, and the chauf- feur goes inside. He is gone for a long time.
When the driver returns, he explains his long absence, "Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife made me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses."
"Why were they so grate- ful?" O'Reilly asks.
The chauffeur replies, "I don't know. All I told him was that I was Bill O'Reilly's driver and I'd just killed the pig."
A man went into a cafe and asked for a meat pie. "Shall I cut it for you?" said the waiter.
"Yes, please," said the man.
"How many pieces?" asked the waiter, "Four or six?"
"Better make it four. I don't think I can eat six!"
Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sink- ing ship. " Follow me son," the father shark said and they swam to the mass of people. "
First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing " And they did. " Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing " And they did. "
Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste bet- ter if you scare the shit out of them first!"
Dutch Woman Held in Qatar After Making Rape Complaint
A 22-year-old Dutch woman is being held in Qatar on suspicion of adul- tery after she said she was raped while on holiday there, her lawyer and Dutch media said on Saturday.
The woman says she was drugged in a hotel, and that she realised she had been raped when she woke up in an unfamiliar apartment.
"She was arrested in March on suspicion of adultery, which means having sex outside mar- riage," lawyer Brian Lokollo told Dutch radio NOS-Radio1.
A Dutch foreign ministry spokeswoman con- firmed the arrest but said the young woman, whom she named as Laura, has not been charged.
Daphne Kerremans added that "the enquiry is ongoing" and that Dutch authorities are in regular contact with Laura.
On Saturday a social media campaign was laucnhed calling for Laura to be released.
The woman's lawyer said that the case con- cerns a trip his client made in March to a Qatar hotel where the consumption of alcohol is allowed.
"She went dancing, but when she returned to the table after the first sip of her drink, she realised that" she had
been drugged, her lawyer said. "She felt very unwell."
The young woman remembers nothing more until the following morning when she woke up in a totally unfamiliar apartment "and realised to her great horror, that she had been raped," he said.
The suspected rapist, who is reported to be a Qatari man, was also arrested, but insisted that their night together had been consensual and that the woman had even asked for money.
"She completely denies these accusations," Lokollo said.
A court hearing is set to take place on Monday and the foreign ministry hopes a decision on whether to charge the Dutch woman will be taken.
Ahead of the hearing hundreds of people on social media are calling for her release under the hashtag #FreeLaura.
Speaking to Dutch
media Laura's mother Marian, said: "I'm con- stantly put under pres- sure to let my daugh- ter marry her rapist. [I get] text messages from an unkown number in Lebanon which call for consent to a marriage between Laura {and her rapist]."
A spokesperson for the Dutch embassy in Qatar told local media: “The Dutch government and embassy are in close contact with the defen- dant and her family in the Netherlands. We have provided assis- tance to her since the first day of detention. For the sake of the defendant’s case we will not make further com- ments at this point.”
In 2013 a 24-year-old Norwegian woman who brought a rape com- plaint against her boss was jailed for 16 months in the neighbouring United Arab Emirates for so-called indecent behaviour, perjury and alcohol consumption. She was later pardoned by the authorities.
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