Page 16 - iAV Digital Magazine Edition #371

The only true FREE CLASSIFIEDS in the Antelope Valley... Where buyers and sellers meet!
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone Who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"
The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal, and her physician, Dr. Cores has scheduled her to be dis- charged tomorrow."
The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's won- derful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news."
The operator replied, "You're more than wel- come. Is Norma your daughter?"
The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me shit."
Kathy goes to her local bank, walks into the manager's office, and says, "I want a loan. I am going to divorce my hus- band."
"Oh, we don't give loans for divorces," the manag- er says. "We offer loans only for things like real estate, appliances, auto- mobiles, businesses, and home improvement."
Kathy interrupts: "Stop right there. This definitely falls into the category of 'Home Improvement'."
Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have for- gotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.
"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked.
"Not very likely," his wife said.
"It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket.
He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disap- peared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.
Two minutes later, the man called out from thr back room, "Here they are!"
"No kidding?" Arnold thought. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time."
The man came back to the counter, empty-hand- ed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calm- ly.
A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game. After answering all the ques- tions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It is city in Africa.
The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:
"I was a father all my life, I had no children, had no wife, I read the bible through
and through on my way to Timbuktu ... "
The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet vic- tory. But then comes the shepherd, with his win- ning masterpiece:
"When Tim and I to Brisbane went We met three women cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two, So I booked one and Tim Booked Two ... "
I found myself in a pub in Cork when a group of American tourists came in.
One of the Americans said, in a loud voice, "I hear you Irish think you are great drinkers. I bet 5,000 euros that no-one here can drink 30 pints of Guinness in 30 min- utes."
The bar was silent, the American noticed one Irishman leaving, no-one took up the bet.
40 minutes later the Irishman who left returned and said "Hey Yank, is your wee bet still on?"
"Sure" said the American, "30 pints in 30 minutes for a bet of 5,000 euros."
"Grand," replied the Irishman, "so pour the pints and start the clock."
It was very close but the last drop was consumed with 2 seconds to spare.
"OK Yank, pay up." said the Irishman.
"I'm happy to pay, here's your money" said the American. "But tell me, when I first offered the wager I saw you leave. Where did you go?"
The Irishman replied, "Well sir, 5,000 euros is alotofmoneytoaman like me, so I went to the pub across the road to see if I could do it."
16
661-266-4-ADS
ANTELOPE VALLEY FREE CLASSIFIEDS ;
5724373
Steering wheel lock for clas- sic cars $40 • 256-4904373
Classic car alarm sys $50 • 256-4904373
Big rig diesel tires. 10 lugs, size 10x20. Some w/ rims $25-$100 • 544-7074
Repair manual fotr basic carburation & fuel sys $35. The how & why for all things carburator. Includes smog, emissions, feul pumps & lines • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-8:30pm only373
4 Chrome rims, 16”x7”. 5lugs for 2011 Subaru Impreza $200 • 618-8601372
Motorcycle parts & acces- sories. Riding gears from 1960 -present. Japanese, European & Harley • 917-
3383
374
Toyota $300 • 203-6459369
Used tire, 65% tread left $23. P215/65/R17 • 272- 9273 bet 8am-8:30pm only366
Fiberglass pick up bed cover. Came off Chevy S10 w/ keys • 575-7994366
2001-02 Chevy Impala back seat only. I have no other parts $40 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-8:30pm363
Older cabover camper from late 1970’s for long bed pick up. Good living cond. Has sink, stove, shower, toilet. Sleeps 4 comfortably. Needs minor exterior repair $375 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-8:30pm only
354
Chilton’s repair manual for Mazda cars 1978-89, good cond. Models 323, 626, 929, GLC, MX-6 & RX7 $20 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm only352
Chiltons repair manual for GM cars 1982-1992. Covers Chevy Celebrity, Buick Century, Olds Cutlass, Pontiac Ciera $24 • 272- 9273 bet 8am-8:30pm only352
Emergency “Skinny” tires, 4 & 5 lug rims. Fits Ford, GM & others on 15” rims $15ea • 272-9273 between 8:30am-8:30pm331
1 Goodyear P235/55R17, near new, 75% tread left $25 • 272-9273 between 8:30am-8:30pm331
Chevy antique truck emblem w/ lock to open trunk. Not sure what make or year. Possibly mid 1950’s • 272-9273 between
331 8:30am-8:30pm
Mid 1950’s F250 emblem. One only, great cond $35 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am- 8:30pm330
1” ball trailer hitch $15. 1.25”x1.25”x13”long for rid- ing mowers & small tractors • 272-9273 bet 8:30am- 8:30pm330
Big rigs/bus tires snow chains $60/pr. Call for sizes • 272-9273 bet 8:30am- 8:30pm330
14” & 15” tire snow chains for passeger cars $25/pr • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-
330 8:30pm
all scion car accessories
Secure Shopping - Fast Service - Quality Products. Rear View Camera - Lumbar Support - Seat Heaters - Cruise Control - Arm Rest(with or without storage) - Sports Grilles - Dash Kits - Body Kits - Wheels Skins - Car Mats - LeBra Hood Protector - Window Covers - Dash Mats - Seat Gloves - Pet Pads - Wind Deflector - Pet Protector - Head Lights & Fog Lights Protector & Many other items.... www.allscion.com
C a R S
We buy Junk cars & Trucks. Local Towing for only $39.99 / 24 Hour serv- ice • 466-6038 / 942-5148
96 Cadillac Deville. Exterior & interior good. Needs fuel pump & other minor repair
Racing kart parts. New & used. Wheels, tires, acces- sories, tools & more $375obo • 917-3383
374
Original 1973 Cadillac Eldorado radio, 8 track am/fm, works $60 • 945- 6071372
Chrysler/Dodge/Eagle repair manual 1993-97 $18. Chrysler LHS, Concorde & New Yorker. Also Dodge Intrepid & Eagle Vision. In good shape • 272-9273 bet
37 8:30am-8:30pm
Flywheels for V8 Chevy motors $21. For older chevy motor • 272-9273 bet
8:30am-8:30pm
37
Drawtite tow hitch off of 89 F250, good cond $100 •
370 818-299-1416
1 Super Radial all season, 1” white wall. P185/80R/13 $35 • 818-299-1416370
1 New Good Year tire, 1’ whitewall on rim. Size P235/75/R15 $70 • 818-
299-1416 370
1 Summit Hi-performance tire. 195/60R/15 on rim. For
Honda $70 • 818-299-1416
$600 • 726-4243
368
95 Ford Escort LX, good cond, everything works, well maintained $1600 • 754- 1629369
2009 Honda Fit Sport, 98k miles, very clean. Metallic orange, great shape $9500
• 794-7421
369
2012 Honda Civic LX, silver charcoal, many extras, 50k
Miles $17,500 • 789-8729 06 Nissan Altima $7500 •
285-7601
367
BOaTS & WaTERCRaFT
368
370
Camper bed shell, 4’x7’ Brougham $40 • 760-848-
3549 369
4) 20” rims “Scarface” w/ tires $500 • 824-2512/ 860- 1601369
4 Used tires 285/18. Approx 50% of tread left $125ea • 714-213-4124 / 661-754- 1115369
Tailights, fan, radiator, front rotors out of 91 Ford
Ranger • 274-4322
369
Seat for 5, headlights & other accessories out of 91
Chevy Lumina • 274-4322 369
4 Polished aluminum wheels, like new. 15x18, bold pattern. Will fit Jeep &
Tehachapi: 26’ Sea Ray cabin cruiser w/ tandem axle trailer. Upgraded to inboard. Dinette, half cabin, 3 batteries, full galley, teak swing step • 818-384-3404373
Boat w/o an engine. Yellow & white, brand new $400 • 754-0153373
Glastron open bow, haul only. Missing motor & drive
$150 • 544-7074 373
Bayliner 20’, fishing type. Haul only $250 • 544-7074373
Yellow 19’ Shaparell jet boat, haul only $250 • 544- 7074373