Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #531

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
Barney: I have a three-season bed.
Wilma: What is a three-season bed?
Barney: One with- out a spring.
The kids were coming into class and sitting down, they were dis- cussing MONEY, talking about where currency was made. Billy said, "At the mint."
Frank piped up, and said, "No, that is where coins are made."
Janie had the best answer, though. She said, "Money is made at the ATM. That's what the letters stand for... All The Money!"
The racehorse owner was annoyed with the running of his horse at the race. He turned on the jockey.
"Flaherty, could you not have raced faster?"
"Sure I could have, but you know we're sup- posed to stay on the horse."
A new pastor was
visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed at the next worship service, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic mes- sage, 'Genesis 3:10'.
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he soon broke out in laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.'
Genesis 3:10 reads: 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.'
What's the differ- ence between the Pope and your boss?
The Pope only expects you to
kiss his ring!
My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again.
MAN, I sure am LUCKY!
I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS!!!
In a well known fortune 500 com- pany the employ- ee lounge was seldom used. As executives walked by the lounge each day they noticed a man with his feet up, shoes off and a loosened tie watching the tele- vision.
The next day the man was still there and so on. After a week or so talk around the water fountain led many employees to band together and confront the man.
The group met at the employee lounge and asked the man, "Why are you here and who hired you?"
After swallowing the popcorn he replied, "The CEO is so busy he hired me to watch TV for him."
Indiana Man Called 911 Over And Over To say He Was Tired
By Jami Ganz
Dispatch got tired of dealing with him. An Indiana man who contin- ually called 911 to announce that he was “tired” will now be spending two months in county jail, according to court records obtained Friday by The Smoking Gun. Daniel Schroeder, 61, was taken into custody Tuesday night in connec- tion with the four calls he made that evening “stating he was tired,” according to the police report obtained by the outlet.
Daniel Ray Schroeder can rest up in jail.
Schroeder made the calls the day after pleading guilty to an early misuse of the emergency sys- tem, in which he admitted to phon- ing 911 to state his displeasure with a relative who “was not fol- lowing his rules,” the outlet reports.
For that offense, he was ordered to spend six months in jail — a sentence that was suspended so long as he “does not call 911 unless it is an emergency,” according to The Smoking Gun.
He pleaded guilty Wednesday to violating that rule and was sen- tenced to 60 days behind bars on the misde- meanor charge, to run concur- rently with the amended sen- tence in the first case, of 60 days in jail, according to the outlet.
Though he does- n’t seem to know much about the reason for 911, Schroeder is no stranger to the law, even this year.
Schroeder in May was charged in May with possession, leaving the scene of a crash, and operating a vehi- cle while intoxi- cated after allegedly driving drunk through a cemetery — nearly three times the legal limit — only to damage a mini- mum of four headstones, WEHT reported at the time.
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