Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #465

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
One spelling mis- take can destroy your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add ‘e’ at the end of a word...
“I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her..!”
I set aside a dol- lar every time a woman found me unattractive...
Now they are starting to find me attractive...
How did the girl break up with tractor salesman?
She sent him a John Deere letter.
Figuring that her 4 year old son Kevin was listen- ing in the next room, Janet decided to tell her husband Don the latest Christmas gift she had bought the boy by spelling out the words "fire truck".
Don nodded and said, "I think it would be a great Christmas gift."
From the other side of the wall, they heard Kevin yell, "I don't want
letters for Christmas!"
Customer: "Excuse me wait- er, this coffee tastes like mud."
Waiter: "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."
Mark was passing by the bar on the way home from work when he sees his good friend Tom gulp- ing down one shot after another.
Fearing the worst, Mark charged into the bar and con- fronted Tom. “Tom what’s going on?” Mark asked.
“It’s my wife Beckie,” Tom replied. “She ran off with my best friend!”
“Hey wait a sec- ond!" said Mark. “Aren’t I your best friend?”
“Not any more,” Tom said with a happy smile. “He is!”
The older sister asks her younger brother, "What are you giving Mom and Dad for Christmas?"
Without missing a
beat, the little brother replies, "A list of everything I want."
One day Dan asks Bob, “So Bob what did you get for Christmas?”
Then Bob says to Dan, “Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?”
Dan says, “OOOOH WOW!!!”
Bob says, “Ya, I got the same exact color tie!”
A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.
As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."
He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
My son thinks I set the bar too high for him as a child.
It seems like he never got over it.
Woman Who Claimed To Be God Robs Mail Truck, Flees OnTricycle, DeputiesSay
By Peter Burke
NAPLES, Fla. - A Florida woman claiming to be God robbed a mail truck, steal- ing a package before pedaling away on a tricy- cle, deputies said.
Leida Crisostomo, 52, of Naples, was arrested Saturday by Collier County Sheriff's Office deputies.
While she was being arrested, Crisostomo start- ing yelling that
she was
God and
said "voices were telling her to do things," an arrest report said.
A witness told deputies that a woman, later identified as Crisostomo, pointed a gun at her while she was jogging and then walked over to a U.S. Postal Service truck that was stopped nearby.
The mail carri- er said Crisostomo point ed a gun at him,
stole a package and fled on a tri- cycle.
A deputy spotted Crisostomo rid- ing on a side- walk and took her into custody.
After Crisostomo was arrested, deputies deter- mined that the gun was plastic.
Crisostomo faces charges of armed robbery and aggravated assault. She was being held in the county jail in lieu of $25,000 bond.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine