Page 16 - iAV Digital Magazine #397

The only true FREE CLASSIFIEDS in the Antelope Valley... Where buyers and sellers meet!
MoBile hoMe For SAle! Double wide. 24x65, Aluminum sidings, 2+2, den. New ref range dish- washer, 2 cooler w/ Aircon in the kitchen. Includes all furnitures, Fixtures, TV, appliances & others MUST SEE! 661-256-0868 serious inquiry !!!
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"
"What did he say? What's he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."
Signs That you're Broke
At communion you go back for seconds.
You think of a lottery tick- et as an investment.
You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
Long distance compa- nies don't call you to switch.
You give blood every- day.. just for the orange juice.
McDonald's is the suppli- er of all your kitchen condiments.
American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restau- rant.
You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln.
Two golden-agers were discussing their hus-
bands over tea.
"I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terri- bly nervous."
"My Billy used to do the same thing," the older woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit."
"How?" "I hid his teeth.
A wealthy man was hav- ing an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his mar- riage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy,
he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but won- dered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.
The wife obeyed, and
watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime he real- izes he was nasty and decides to make amends and calls home.
She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?" Shouts the doc- tor.
"Getting a second opin- ion!"
In a small town in the US, there is a rather siz- able factory that hires only married men.
Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to mar- ried men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantanker- ous..or what?"
"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them."
$800 • 818-448-9829 395
ROOM FOR REnT
$500/mo. No smoking, alco- hol or drugs • 323-633- 9436401
E. Palmdale $400+
$200dep • 544-2698 400
Roommate to share a mobile home. Must be reli- able & responsible, single female. $300, you buy your own groceries • 445-3682400
Close to AVC & all. Fully furnished naster bedroom w/ own bath. Internet, cable. Kitchen, laundry, jacuzzi, pool. Short term ok, no smoking, pet & drugs. $550 +$100dep • 718-2020400
Furnished, private hallway bath. Near frwy & shops. No deposit, no drugs & no pet. Internet, cable. Home privi- leges • 805-416-3221400
Lancaster: Newer home, near Nat’l Soccer field. $440/mo + 1/3 utilities, refundable dep. Shared bath, kitchen, plenty of park- ing. Background check • 483-4529398
E. Palmdale: $400, pd utili- ties, no security dep. Proof of income • 208-5398398
E. Lancaster: $500/mo, pd utilities. Pool. Can reduced rent to $250 for caregiving
399 & cooking • 789-8729
Palmdale: Furnished, $390, pd utilities & internet • 274-
0235 398
E. Lancaster: newly painted, very nice room. Kitchen & pool privileges. Central heat
397 & ac $500 • 206-5815
E. Lancaster: Close to
everything, newly painted, very nice $500+ $100securi- ty. Pool & kitchen privileges, outside smoking • 206- 5815396
Pearblossom: Share house w/ 2 other adults on 1 acre w/ view. $450+deposit, pd utilities. Security gate. Must have income, transportation & references • 944-7468397
E. Lancaster: $375, pd utili- ties • 424-224-8435396
HOUSE FOR SALE
Leona Valley: 3+1, close to stores, dog ok $1600 • 947- 9338401
Lake LA: 4+2, built 1988
398 $165,000 • 400-2494
over 200 houses & con- dos in the Antelope Valley. Bargain prices. These are bank owned, short pay, foreclosures. Call us today. Ask for Tony Austin 661-722-5255 or Betty at 661-944-7171
LAnD
W. Lancaster: 5 acres. $20,000 • 944-7171
Cal City: Flat land ready to build w/ all utilities. Next to a house. In town $15,000 • 944-7171393
California City: Residential lot, all utilities $14,900 • 944-7171
Lake LA: 2.5 acres $29,900 • 661-944-7171
Mojave: 17acres, agriculture on Hwy 58, flat, surveyed (4Lots). Power in front $100,000 • 824-3333
3acres on Hwy 58. R1, flat w/ electric $48,000 • 824- 3333257
For sale: N. Edwards: 2.5 acres commercial land w/ 60’ Mobile Home, 2wells, 3,000sqft commercial bldg $299K • 824-3333
over 200 houses & con- dos in the Antelope Valley. Bargain prices. These are bank owned, short pay, foreclosures. Call us
zoned. 2.5acres w/ mobile home & 3000sqft metal bldg in No. Edwards $100,000 • 824-3333336
STORAgE/
SPACE
SeCure Mini STorAGe. $1 moves you in. Selected sizes. Call for details 24hrs Security, Private PO Boxes, No Deposit Required. Units 10’-12’ high not 8’ 661-947-5400 37560 Sierra Hwy Palmdale
WAnTED
TO REnT
Single woman w/ a cat in need of a room to rent in Palmdale. Prior IHHS work- er & can cook & clean • 200-8230400
SPORTinG
GOOdS
Home gym, 4 stations, 150lbs of weights, xlnt cond $325 • 947-3066401
Used helmet for hockey or football w/ full face guard $15 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am- 8:30pm only373
VEHiClES
ACCESSORIES
New John Deere Gator tires. Size 25x12x9 $40ea • 350-4188400
Bed cover for truck $75 • 225-9693400
2 Lumber racks for big truck $100ea • 225-9693400
1968-72 VW carburator w/ linkage $100 • 522-1832400
R/E BROKERS
•••Meridian Capital AV•••:
First time buyer program. Credit Problems Ok! Down Payment Assistance. FREE CONSULTATION. Call: Tony Austin / realtor: 661-722-5255
•••Betty Marcos••• - pli realty. First time buyers. Why rent when you can own. Little or zero down • 661-944-7171
FORECLOSURE
over 200 houses & con- dos in the Antelope Valley. Bargain prices. These are bank owned, short pay, foreclosures. Call us today. Ask for Tony 722- 5255 or Betty at 661-944- 7171
APARTMEnT: FOR REnT
rosamond palms
- Motel Apt Extended Stay $36/day - $825/mo - Large Studio w/ Kitchen $42/day - $950/mo
- 2 Room Double Suite $49 -$1,050/mo, Free WIFI & HBO & utilities • 661-256-
Ford Tempo & Mercury Topaz repair manual $20 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm
400
Dodge pick up repair manu- al, 1974. 2 & 4wd. V6 & V8, new cond $20 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm400
Repair manual for Chrysler LHS, New Yorker, Intrepid & Eagle Vision • 272-9273 bet
400 8am-8:30pm
VW official service manual for Fast & Squareback, 1968-1973 • 272-9273 bet
400 8am-8:30pm
Free: Small tires & wheels •
398 256-4904
1964
406dp
today.
Betty at 661-944- 7171
HOUSE FOR REnT
Boron: 5+2, ready now
MOBILE HOME
For Sale: Commercial
16
661-266-4-ADS
ANTELOPE VALLEY FREE CLASSIFIEDS ;