Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #449

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
A woman was driv- ing down the high- way about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcy- cle policeman fol- lowing her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed.
When she looked back again, there were two motorcy- cles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked back, there were three officers fol- lowing her.
Suddenly, she spotted a gas sta- tion looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room.
Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out. The three policemen were standing there waiting for her.
Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.
He comes back into the bar, handily
flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even look- ing and fires a shot into the ceiling. “Who stole my horse?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
“I’m gonna have another beer and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I’m finished, I’m gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don’t want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!”
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
He had another beer, walked out- side, and his horse was back! He sad- dled up and started to ride out of town.
The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner, what did you have to do back in Texas?”
The cowboy turned back and said, “I dun had to walk home!”
At the racetracks...
The following ad in the Atlanta Journal is reported to have received numerous calls:
“Single female seeks male com- panionship, ethnici- ty unimportant.
I am a very good- looking girl who loves to play.
I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.
Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand.
Rub me the right way and watch me respond.
I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.
Kiss me and I’m yours. Call xxx-xxx- xxxx and ask for Daisy.”
Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society about an eight week-old Labrador retriever.
Tom: "If your girl- friend and your best friend were drowning, who would you save?"
Hardy: "I don't know, that's a tough one."
Tom: "Why is that?"
Hardy: "Well, what were they doing together in the first place?"
Repeat Lottery Winner Collects $1M One Month After $150,000 Win
By Ben Hooper
April 24 (UPI) - - A Virginia man who won $1 million from the state lottery said it was his third major jack- pot -- and his second in only two months.
Charles Neal of Meadowview told Virginia Lottery offi- cials he bought his winning
Extreme Millions ticket at Spirit Food Mart in Glade Spring, which received a $10,000 bonus from the lottery for sell- ing the winner.
Neal, who took his money as a $657,030 lump sum before taxes, won a $150,000 jack- pot from a Big Bills Scratcher ticket just one
month prior to his $1 million jackpot.
Neal said his first brush with major lottery luck came in 2011, when he won a $1 million prize from a scratch-off game.
"I play big tick- ets," Neal told lottery officials. "You can't win if you don't play."
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine