Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #502

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
My wife asked why I spoke so softly in the house.
I said I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening!
She laughed.
I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri laughed.
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coro- nary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained con- sciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.
"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently pat- ting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"
"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.
"Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.
"I'm afraid I can- not, Sister."
"Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun essayed.
"Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun."
"Oh, I must cor- rect you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not 'spinsters.'
They are married to God."
"Wonderful," said Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law."
A husband and wife have 4 boys.
The odd part is 3 have red hair, light skin and are tall while the youngest has black hair, dark eyes and is short.
The husband eventually got sick and is lying on his deathbed.
He turns to his wife and says, “Honey, before I die, be completely honest with me. Is our youngest son my child?”
The wife replies, “I swear on every- thing that’s holy that he is your son.” With that, the husband passes away.
The wife then mutters, “Thank God he didn’t ask about the other three.”
I asked my doctor today how long he thought this COVID thing will last...
He said, “How should I know, I’m a doctor not a politician.”
A neighbor asked his friend, who was celebrating 50 years of mar- riage, what the secret was to a long and happy marriage?
His friend replied, "When we were first married, we vowed to go out twice a week no matter how little money we had and we have done so for 50 years."
"Twice a week, you say?"
"Yeah. She goes out on Tuesday and I go out on Friday."
Ding, Dong: 4-foot Rat Snake Rings Kansas Man’s Doorbell
By: Bob D'Angelo, Cox Media Group
OVERLAND PARK, Kan.
— The advan- tage of having a doorbell camera connected to a phone is that the user can see who is at the door. Usually.
A Kansas man got a big sur- prise when he saw motion on the camera at his Overland Park home -- a 4-foot rat snake.
Kyle Crane
told KMBC he did not know what was ringing his doorbell. Figuring it was a lizard, he went outside to inves- tigate.
“Not what I expected,” Crane said in a video. “It’s a rat snake just hanging out on my Ring doorbell. I thought it was a lizard. I saw some motion, and I was won- dering how he got out here. Then I come out
here, and I see we have a snake.”
Rat snakes are not venomous and are common to
Kansas, KMBC r eported. They kill their prey by constriction and can grow as long as 7 feet.
After getting over his initial sur- prise, Crane relocated the snake to a near- by creek, the tel- evision station reported.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine