Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #485

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway...
Police advise citi- zens to be on the lookout for a group of hard- ened criminals!
A woman walks in a store to return a pair of eyeglasses that she had pur- chased for her husband a week before.
"What seems to be the problem, madam?"
"I'm returning these glasses I bought for my husband. He's still not seeing things my way."
Two cannibals meet one day.
The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just can't seem to get them tender."
The second can- nibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?"
The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place
at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."
"Ah, ah!" the sec- ond cannibal replies. "No won- der...those are fri- ars!"
Your job sucks?
Try this out:
Stop at your phar- macy and go to the thermometer section and pur- chase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and dis- connect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into some very com- fortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the pack- age and remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins!
Take out the liter- ature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: "Every rectal ther- mometer made by Jonson & Johnson is per- sonally tested and then sanitized."
Now close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work in the thermome- ter quality control department at Johnson & Johnson."
A 3 year old child comes home from his first day at pre-school.
His mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"
The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomor- row."
A man walked into a hardware store and picked upacanoffly spray.
"Is this good for wasps?" he asks the salesgirl.
To which she replies "No, it kills them."
There’s A Sexy Popeye’s
Chicken Sandwich
Halloween Costume
By Nadine DeNinno
If something is popular, assume it will get the sexy Halloween costume treat- ment.
Enter, Popeye’s chicken sand- wich.
Retailer Yandy, which has been churning out racy costume options for weeks, now has a “Sold Out Chicken Sandwich” cos- tume available on its site — a play on the Popeye’s cre- ation that took the nation by storm and sold out immediately.
Comprised of a flesh-toned strapless body- suit with a cheeky backside, the bodice of the costume is fash- ioned into a burger with a “sold out” sign and there are matching ruffled arm puffs to rep- resent “buns.”
Of course, Yandy does not mince
its words when advertising the risque ensemble.
“A few too many fast food lovers fantasized about this five star fried feast,” the description reads. “Is it due to that unbeliev- able batter or maybe its drool- worthy bun? Either way, these seasoned breasts will be back on full dis- play in no time.”
Popeye’s chick- en sandwich isn’t the only costume that got the meat-market treatment. Yandy also debuted a
sexy version of Beyond Meat, dubbed “Beyond Burger.”
This year, pop culture has spawned several sexy Halloween costumes, some of which have been slammed online, like
the sexy iteration of Mr.
Rogers called the “Nicest Neighbor.” There were also racy versions of a can of popular spiked seltzer White Claw, X-
rated ‘Toy Story’ characters and even the college admissions scandal.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine