Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #431

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
While shopping in the produce depart- ment of the local grocery store, a demanding customer asked to have a watermelon cut in half.
I told the lady that we don't normally do this. After being pushed for about five minutes, I took the melon to the back- room and said to my co-worker John, "I need this cut in half so this mean lady can buy it."
I did not know that she had followed me to the backroom. I turned around and quickly said, "And this lady would like the other half!"
A fellow tries to cross the Mexican border on a bicycle with two big bags balanced on his shoulders. The guard asks, "What's in the bags?"
The fellow says, "Sand!"
The guard wants to examine them. The fellow gets off the bike, places the bags on the ground, opens them up, and the guard inspects... only to find sand. The fellow packs the sand, places the bags on his shoul- ders, and pedals the bike across the bor- der.
Two weeks later, the same situation is repeated... "What have you there?"
"Sand"
"We want to exam- ine." Same results... nothing but sand and the fellow is on his way again.
Every two weeks for six months the inspections continue. Finally, one week the fellow didn't show up. However, the guard sees him downtown and says to the fellow, "Buddy, you had us crazy. We sort of knew you were smuggling something. I won't say anything, but what were you smuggling?"
The fellow says, "Bicycles."
A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceed- ing the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.
She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan."
The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."
Death and taxes are inevitable...
But at least death doesn't get worse every year!
Patient: "It's been one month since my last visit and I still
feel miserable."
Doctor: "Did you fol- low the instructions on the medicine I gave you?"
Patient: "I sure did. The bottle said 'keep tightly closed'."
My husband was driving home from work when he was pulled over for not wearing his seat belt.
Two days later – same ticket, same cop.
“So,” the officer said, “have you learned anything?”
“Yes, I have,” said my husband. “I’ve learned I need to take a different way home from work.”
A tightwad was con- vinced by a friend to buy a couple of lot- tery tickets. But after he won the big prize he didn’t seem happy.
“What’s wrong?” the friend asked. “You just became a mil- lionaire!”
“I know,” he groaned, “but I can’t imagine why I bought that second ticket!”
They say we learn from our mistakes.
That's why I'm delib- erately making as many as possible.
Soon I'll be a genius!
UtahWomanKilledonCruiseShip During Murder Mystery Dinner
JUNEAU, Alaska (CBS) –
It started as a fam- ily cruise to Alaska — and ended in death. A husband and father of three is accused of mur- dering his wife in their cabin.
Exactly how and why Kristy Manzanares was killed aboard the Emerald Princess still remains a mystery.
“”The little girl in that room came running out, calling for help Their par- ents had been in a fight. She was pretty desperate,” said Chris Ceman, passenger.
One eyewitness told authorities they saw Kristy lying on the floor covered in blood and husband, Kenneth, soaked with blood, drag- ging his wife by the ankles toward
the room’s bal- cony. The eyewit- ness confronted Kenneth, who replied: “She would not stop laughing at me.”
As Manzanares was arrested, he told an FBI officer: “My life is over.”
Friends say Kenneth and Kristy Manzanares were celebrating their anniversary with their three daughters and other family mem- bers.
Bryan Schroder, acting U.S. Attorney in Alaska said he can’t remember the last time they had a murder on a cruise ship.
The Emerald Princess spans the length of three football fields and has 19 decks.
Ironically, at the
time of the inci- dent, a murder mystery dinner was tak- ing place.
“Some of the peo- ple that were in
the murder mys- tery thought they were just playing a hoax on them with all the emergency calls,” said Tom Stites, passenger.
The nearly 3,500 passengers were stranded aboard the ship for almost eight hours in the port of Juneau. Nicole and Brice Beckstrom, former neighbors of the couple in Utah who happened to be on the ship, were devastated.
“For us it’s a weekend. For them, it’s the rest of their lives. And those girls have lost both their par- ents,” Nicole Beckstrom said.
Manazaris was in court Thursday and did not enter a plea. He will be back in court August 10.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine