Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #454

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost.
He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.
He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help? I prom- ised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The woman below replied, “You are in a hot air balloon hovering approxi- mately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longi- tude.”
You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.
“I am,” replied the woman, “How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is, techni- cally correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help so far.”
The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems.
The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweet- est little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wab- bits?"
And the shopkeep- er gets down one his knees, (so that he's on the same level with her), and asks, "Do you want a wittle white wab- bit or a soft and fuwwy bwack wab- bit?"
She in turn puts her hands on her knees, bends for- ward and says, "I don't fink my pyfon weally cares."
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital
and taken in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained con- sciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.
"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you cov- ered by insur- ance?"
"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.
"Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.
"I'm afraid I cannot, Sister."
"Well, do you have any close rela- tives?" the nun essayed.
"Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun."
"Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not 'spin- sters.' They are married to God."
"Wonderful," said Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my broth- er-in-law."
Health Officials Halt Sausage Party Outside Pence’s Missouri Event
By Associated Press
KANSAS CITY, Mo. – A radio station that was planning a “Sausage Party” across the street from the Kansas City hotel where Vice President Mike Pence was speaking to protest his posi- tion on LGBTQ issues wasn’t able to provide the hot dogs it promised.
The Kansas City Star reports that the Kansas City Health Department informed Radio station 96.5 The Buzz on Wednesday morning that it lacked the required per- mits. The sta- tion elected to cancel the free hot dogs rather than file for the permits. About 100 protesters showed up at Pence’s event at the Kansas
City, Missouri, Downtown Marriott to raise money for Kansas Congressman Kevin Yoder.
Pence has a history of opposing LGBTQ rights, including sup- porting a 2006 constitutional amendment that would’ve defined mar- riage as between a man and a woman.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine