Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #452

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
Twenty-one rea- sons why English is hard to learn.
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to pres- ent the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.
13. They were too
close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I inti- mate this to my most intimate friend?
Everybody on earth died and went to heaven.
On their arrival, God greeted the people and said: “I want the men to make two lines – one line for the men that dominat- ed their women on earth, and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I
want all the women to go with St. Peter.”
A little while later, God returned to the pearly gates to check on progress. The women had all gone with St. Peter as he had wished, and the men were split into two lines.
The line containing men that were dominated by women during their earthly lives was 100 miles long, but there was just a single man in the line containing men that dominated their women.
Enraged by this, God said to the men: “You should be ashamed for yourselves. I creat- edyouinmy image and you allowed yourselves to be controlled by your lovers or spouses.”
Turning toward the solitary man, God continued: “Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son – how did you manage to be the only one in this line?”
“I don’t know – my wife told me to stand here,” replied the man.
2 Inn Workers Eat Pot-laced Candy Left By Guests, Get Sick
By the Associated Press
Police say two employees of an inn at a pop- ular Vermont tourist destina- tion ate marijua- na-laced choco- late left behind by guests and got sick.
Shelburne Police were called to the Inn at Shelburne Farms on
Wednesday after receiving a report an employee felt ill and was lying in the parking lot.
The two employees were taken to the hospital and have since been released.
The inn's spokeswoman says that any food left behind is not to be con- sumed by staff
and that the inn's training programs will be reviewed with employees. Police are ask- ing that people who possess edibles keep them secure.
The edibles in this case resembled malt- ed milk balls.
No charges will be filed against the guests.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine