Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #461

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
Halloween. The door bell rings and a man answers it. Here stands this plain but well dressed kid, say- ing, "Trick or Treat!"
The man asks the kid what he is dressed up as. The kid replies, "I'm an IRS agent."
Then he takes 40 percent of the man's candy, leaves, and doesn't say thank you.
My wife said to me, "How on earth are we going to use 9% less gas this winter?"
"You can stop burning my dinner for a start," I replied.
Teacher: "Okay class let's start by sharing our dreams. What's yours David?"
David: "My dream is to earn $20,000 a month like my dad."
Teacher: "Wow! Your dad earns that much?"
David: "No ma'am, that's also my dad's dream."
A man was sued by a woman for defamation of char- acter. She charged that he had called
her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.
After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"
The judge said that was true.
"Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked.
The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
The man turned and looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."
Mo attends a revival and listens to the sermon. After a while, the pastor asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over. Mo gets in line and when it’s his turn, the pastor asks, “Mo, what do you want me to pray about?”
Mo says, “Pastor, I need you to pray for my hearing.”
So the pastor puts one finger in Mo’s ear and the other hand on top of his head and prays for
a while. He removes his hands and says, “Mo how’s your hearing now?”
Mo says, “I don’t know pastor, it’s not until next Monday."
"This hotel stinks!" a guest complained when he showed up at the front desk to check out.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"I got no sleep. Every 15 minutes this loud banging sound woke me up!"
I apologized for the noise and checked him out. A few min- utes later, a couple showed up. Again, I made the mistake of asking how their stay was.
"Terrible!" they said. "The guy in the next room was snoring so loudly that we had to bang on the wall every 15 minutes to wake him up!"
"I lost twenty pounds in one day."
"How did you do that?"
"I left my lunch on the bus."
Porn-loving US Official Spreads Malware to Government Network
The porn habit of an employee at the US Geological Survey (USGS) led to a govern- ment network becoming infect- ed with mal- ware, an official report has revealed.
The employee, who has not been named, had "an extensive history of visiting adult pornogra- phy websites".
Investigators found malware on many of the 9,000 pages he or she accessed.
The US Office of the Inspector General has rec-
ommended that the USGS black- list "rogue" web- sites.
"Our analysis confirmed that many of the pornographic images were subsequently saved to an unauthorised USB device and personal Android cell phone," the report explained
As well as gov- ernment comput- ers, the employ- ee's personal mobile was also found to be infected.
Reports of the case were picked up by news site TechCrunch,
which confirmed that the Earth Resources Observation and Science Center (Eros) does not maintain any classified net- works.
The site also reported that the malware in ques- tion was designed to steal data from infect- ed computers and was "associ- ated" with ran- somware attacks.
USGS employ- ees are advised not to connect USB devices or mobile phones to government com- puters - though USB connections are not disabled.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine