Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #439

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
A family from the country hills was vis- iting the big city for the first time. They stayed in a high-rise hotel with a big brass elevator right off of the lobby. The mother and daughter stared at it in amaze- ment, wondering what it was.
After staring at it in awe for a few min- utes the girl looked up at her mom, "Ma, what do you reckon that there thing is?" she asked.
"I don't rightly know, girl," the mother replied.
Just then an old, frumpy man in a robe with messy hair walks up, steps in the elevator and the doors shut behind him. After about 30 seconds the doors opened again and a handsome, muscular young man in tight work-out clothes comes out.
The mother leans over to her daughter and says, "Girl, go and get your Pa!"
Dentist: "How did you lose your three teeth?"
Patient: "My wife prepared the pan- cakes and they were very hard to eat."
Dentist: "Then you could have refused to eat them."
Patient: "I did refused to eat them. Hence, I lost my
three teeth."
Jack had been a compulsive worrier for years, to the point it was ruining his life. He saw a psychologist who recommended a specialist who could help him. His friend, Bob, noticed a dra- matic change and asked, "What hap- pened? Nothing seems to worry you anymore."
"I hired a profession- al worrier and I haven't had a worry since," replied Jack.
"That must be expensive," Bob replied.
"He charges $5,000 a month," Jack told him.
"$5,000!!! How in the world can you afford to pay him?" exclaimed Bob.
"I don't know. That's his problem."
There was this lady who was visiting a church one Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congre- gation were dozing off.
After the service, she walked up to a very sleepy-looking gentleman, extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn."
And the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one, ma'am, I'm glad it's done
too!"
One day at a local café, a woman sud- denly called out, "My daughter’s choking! She swallowed a nickel! Please, any- one, help!"
Immediately a man at a nearby table rushed up to her and said he was experi- enced in these situa- tions. He calmly stepped over to the girl, then with no look of concern, wrapped his arms around her and squeezed. Out popped the nickel.
The man returned to his table as if noth- ing had happened.
"Thank you!" the mother cried. "Tell me, are you a doc- tor?"
"No," the man replied. "I work for the IRS."
Little Susie, a six- year-old, com- plained, "Mother, I've got a stomach ache."
"That's because your stomach is empty," the mother replied. "You would feel bet- ter if you had some- thing in it."
That afternoon, her father came com- plaining that he had a severe headache all day. Susie perked up. "That's because it's empty," she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it.
London Buses To Be Powered By Coffee
Waste cof- fee grounds will be used to help power some of London's buses from Monday, it has been revealed.
A biofuel
created by blending oil extracted
from coffee waste with diesel is to be added to the public trans- port fuel supply.
Technology firm bio-bean says it has produced enough coffee oil to power one bus for a year.
Transport for London (TfL) has increasingly turned to using biofuels to reduce transport emissions.
Biofuel made using waste prod- ucts such as cook- ing oil and tallow from meat pro- cessing is already used in many of the capital's 9,500 buses.
However, this is thought to be the first time a coffee- derived biofuel has been added to London's public transport system.
Londoners create 200,000 tonnes of coffee waste a year, according to bio-bean.
The company takes the used grounds from cof- fee shops and instant coffee fac- tories, and extracts oil from it in its factory.
This is then processed into a blended B20 biofu- el.
Buses can be powered using the
fuel without the need for modifica- tion.
The firm believes it would take just over 2.55 million cups of coffee to create the enough biofuel to run a London bus for a year once the oil has been blended with diesel.
Six-thousand litres of coffee oil have been produced so far.
"It's a great exam- ple of what can be done when we start to reimagine waste as an untapped resource," bio- bean founder Arthur Kay said.
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