Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #440

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!
Why is Christmas just like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot's him
Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present's beneath them.
What do you call a broke santa? Give up yet? It's Saint- NICKEL-LESS
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinselitis! Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
How do you know Arnold Schwarzenegger is waiting in line with you on Black Friday? He Jingles All The Way.
What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate clauses
Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce? Because he thought his wife was
a flake.
Which Limp Bizkit song do elves listen to while building toys? He did it all for the cookies!
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? RUDEolph.
Why was Santa's lit- tle helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.
Why can't the Christmas tree stand up? It doesn't have legs.
What did Adam say to his wife on Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
How can you tell a family doesn't cele- brate Christmas? The lights are on, but nobody's a gnome.
How dose santa get his Reindeer to fly? He uses Red Bull because it gives you wings!
Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off? Limp Bizkit
Name the child's favorite Christmas king? A stocking.
What is the popular Christmas carol in Desert? Camel ye
Faithful.
What do you call Santa living at the South Pole? A lost clause.
What part of the body do you only see during Christmas? mistle- toe.
How does an elf get to Santa's work- shop? By icicle.
Why did the Grinch go to the liquor store? He was look- ing for the holiday spirit.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
What do the elves cook with in the kitchen? Utinsel.
What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies ? Snowballs.
How does a Jew cel- ebrate Christmas? He installs a parking meter on the roof.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite
What Christmas Carol is a favorite of parents? Silent Night
Why does Scrooge love all of the rein- deer? Because every buck is dear to him!
Baby Uses Sign Language To Call For “Help” From Santa's Lap
By Ben Hooper
Dec. 13 (UPI) -
- A Utah mother shared a photo of her infant son using American Sign Language to call for help while sitting on Santa's lap.
Kerry
Spencer tweet- ed a photo that she said depicts her son, Samuel, sitting on Santa Claus' lap a few years ago.
Spencer said Samuel was 1- year-old at the time and was starting to learn ASL when he signed "Help" from St. Nick's lap.
The mother said she didn't realize the baby was calling for help until she saw the photo.
"The poor guy didn't love Santa very much,"
she told KABC-
TV. "We didn't try to take him to go much after that."
She said the photo only made its way to Twitter this year, but it has long been a source of family joy.
"We all laugh at the photo now," Spencer said. "Posting it to Facebook is one of our favorite family traditions."
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