Page 16 - IAV Digital Magazine #403

The only true FREE CLASSIFIEDS in the Antelope Valley... Where buyers and sellers meet!
Fixer upper hoMeS
Bargains, Lowest Prices. These Palmdale/Lancaster homes need work. Call for a free list w/ pics WWW. rCAroSellShoMeS.CoM Free recorded Message
1-866-219-2592 iD# 1048
Amigo Real Estate, Agent #01785140
A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decid- ed to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.
Driving back up his drive- way, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: “Jen, is the cat there?”
“Yes”, the wife answers, “Why do you ask?”
Frustrated, the man answered, “Put him on the phone. I’m lost and need directions!!!”
Dear Marty,
I have been unable to sleep since I broke off your engagement to my daughter. Will you forgive and forget?
I was much too sensitive about your Mohawk, tat- too and pierced nose. I now realize motorcycles aren’t really that danger- ous, and I really should not have reacted that way to the fact that you have never held a job.
I am also very sure that some other very nice people live under the bridge in the park, too. Sure my daughter is only 18 and wants to marry you instead of going to Harvard on full scholar- ship. After all, you can’t learn everything about life from books.
I sometimes forget how backward I can be. I was wrong. I was a fool. I have now come to my senses and you have my full blessing to marry my daughter.
Sincerely, Your future father-in-law.
P.S. Congratulations on winning the Powerball Lottery Jackpot.
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year outside of New York City , New York scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 100 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Los Angeles , California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet some- where just outside Oceanside. Shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: "California archae- ologists report a finding of 200 year old copper cable, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communica- tions network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."
One week later, a local newspaper in Atlanta, Georgia reported the fol- lowing: "After digging down about 30 feet deep in his pasture near the community of Marietta, Bubba, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Georgia had already gone wire- less".
Just makes a person proud to be from Georgia.
A woman accompanied her husband when he went to get a haircut. Reading a magazine, She found a hairstyle she liked for herself. She asked the receptionist if
She could take the mag- azine next door to make a copy of the photo.
"Leave some ID, a dri- ver's license or a credit card," she said.
"But my husband is here getting a haircut," The woman explained.
"Yes," she replied. "But I need something you'll come back for."
points to ponder
1. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouths closed? 2. Why don't you ever see the headline, "psy- chic wins lottery"?
3. Why is abbreviated such a long word? 4. Why do doctors call what they do "practice"? 5. Why do you need to click on "start" to stop windows?
6. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring, while washing up liquid contains real lemons?
7. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 8. Why isn't there mouse flavoured cat food?
9. Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitos? 10. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
11. Why don't they make the whole plane out of the same material as the indestructible black box? 12. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
13. Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together? 14. Why do they call the airport the "terminal" if flying is so safe?
15. Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? 16. Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot?
17. Why can't you make another word using all the letters in "anagram"? 18. Why can't we tickle ourselves?
19. Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? 20. If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?
ity $275ea • 941-3265407
Drive electric patient lift, 450lbs capacity • 925-209- 4657402
New bedside portable toilet for handicap/ disabled $50 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am- 8:30pm364
Toilet lift ring/doughnut. Adjustable, ready now $22 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am- 8:30pm363
Rolling walkers for disabled or elderly. Folds up. No brakes or seat. $25, great cond • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-8:30pm only354
Pair of used cruthes. Good cond. Adjustable 5’10”-6’6” height $16 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-8:30pm only354
miSCEllAnEOUS
3 Sets of cake decorating, used once, like new $20ea •
723-0362 407
Evaporative cooler filter pads, new in box. 42”w x22”h x8”depth $140 • 941-
407 3265
Various trampoline springs, different sizes, $2-$4ea depending on how many bought • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-8:30pm363
Riddick Trilogy w/ Vin Diesel. 3 movies in orig case. Include Riddick, Pitch Black & Dark Fury. $12 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-
8:30pm 363
REAl ESTATE
REAL ESTATE LOANS
Conventional, FHA, VA, Jumbo. Interest only, ARM. We have all programs • 722-5255
R/E BROKERS
•••Meridian Capital AV•••:
First time buyer program. Credit Problems Ok! Down Payment Assistance. FREE CONSULTATION. Call: Tony Austin / realtor: 661-722-5255
•••Betty Marcos••• - pli realty. First time buyers. Why rent when you can own. Little or zero down • 661-944-7171
FORECLOSURE
over 200 houses & con- dos in the Antelope Valley. Bargain prices. These are bank owned, short pay, foreclosures. Call us today. Ask for Tony 722- 5255 or Betty at 661-944- 7171
APARTMENT: FOR RENT
rosamond palms
- Motel Apt Extended Stay $36/day - $825/mo - Large Studio w/ Kitchen $42/day - $950/mo
- 2 Room Double Suite $49 -$1,050/mo, Free WIFI & HBO & utilities • 661-256-
garage door, ceramic tiles all over the house, great for people w/ allergies, large fenced backyard & much more. $995/mo + $995 sec deposit • 661-944-7171
Leona Valley: 3+1, close to stores, dog ok. Credut check. Rent or lease • 947-
E. Lancaster: 2+1 $850.
Firewood, logs & kettling $350 takes all • 943-6071
407
Extra large swamp cooler, new cond, 3spd, 4 casters, great for garage $250 • 943-
407 6071
Photo scrapping supplies. Enough to make a busi- ness. Make offer • 943- 6071407
Earthquake water barrels. Cleaned & sanitized $85ec •
483-4529
405
Small aluminum tripod $15 • 256-4904405
Photo album supplies, make
offer • 943-6071
401
Foam floatation device $25, good cond • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm390
Heavy duty rubber raft w/ 2 paddles. Holds 2 smaller persons or 1 big person. No leaks $50, xlnt cond • 272- 9273 bet 8am-8:30pm376
Metal wheel for rolling gate or trailer. Made for holding a heavy gate or trailer $19 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm
376
6” Solid Brass letters “N” & “W” only. Three of each. New in package. All for $38 or $7.50ea • 272-9273 bet
8am-8:30pm 376
Used turkey fryer. Needs gas hose. Heavy & sturdy $20 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am- 8:30pm only373
Pulp Fiction dvd collectors edition $13. 2 DVD set in good cond • 272-9273 bet
8:30am-8:30pm 363
Proof of income • 946-0962
407
ROOM FOR RENT
Rancho Vista: Large fur- nished room close to school. Pd utilities, internet, no drugs & no deposit $500 • 450-5541407
$395/mo + deposit, free util- ities & internet, no drugs •
407 274-0235
Lake LA: $350,utilities pd, female only • 264-4304405
9338
402
Lancaster: Close to all, shared utilities, Income veri- fication, deposit required, no smoking, no pet, month to month $400/mo • 754-1115
405
Free rent & utilities to care for elderly female. Female only must apply • 264-4304
404
E. Lancaster: Free room in exchange for cooking, cleaning & caregiving, female, must pass livescan, no drugs or drama, back- ground check • 789-8729404
E. Lancaster: $400, shared utilities, kitchen, living room, shared bath. Refundable sec & cleaning deposit •
754-1115
404
1964
406dp
E. Lancaster: Close to all $525/mo $100 deposit, pd utilities, verfiable income, kitchen & pool privileges, smoke outside, month to month • 206-5815404
Palmdale: $375, $100sec deposit. Directv, clean room, ask for Ruby • 526- 6492403
Palmdale: $375, no alcohol or drugs, must be clean per- son • 265-8199403
Country living, avilable 4/1. $300/mo, possibly lower in
HOUSE FOR
RENT
California City: 3+2, upgrad- ed kitchen w/ stainless sink, granite counter top, covered patio, RV access, auto
16
661-266-4-ADS
ANTELOPE VALLEY FREE CLASSIFIEDS ;