Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #513

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
A man having lunch at a Chinese restau- rant noticed that the table had been set with forks, not chop- sticks. He asked why. The waiter said, "Chopsticks are provided only on request."
"But," the man countered, "if you gave your patrons chopsticks, you wouldn't have to pay someone to wash all the forks."
"True," the waiter shot back, "but we'd have to hire two more people to sweep the floor."
A girl asks her father, " Why does it rain? Is it God sweating or crying?" " No," says her father, " it rains to make the plants grow.
Do you under- stand?" " Not exactly," says the girl. " Why does it rain on the side- walk?"
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush
restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.
The wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband, "she's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a per- son could go on celebrating that long?"
The young man comes running into the store and says to his buddy, "Tommy, some- body just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!'
Tommy reacts, "Did you see who it was?"
The young man answers, "No, I couldn't tell... but I did get his license
plate number!"
At the bar, Tom and Bill were talk- ing. “My uncle tried to make a new kind of car. He took the wheels from a Cadillac, the radi- ator from a Lexus, and tires from a Ford," said Tom.
“What did he get?" asked Bill.
“Two years,” said Tom.
The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discov- ered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front door. “Lady,” he announced, “I’m the piano tuner.”
The lady exclaimed, “Why, I didn’t send for a piano tuner.”
The man replied, “I know, but your neighbors did.”
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Man Turns In $3,000 Found On Sidewalk, Saves Family's Christmas
By Ben Hooper
Dec. 17 (UPI) -
- Police in Wisconsin said an honest stranger who found $3,000 on a sidewalk saved Christmas for a family by helping return the cash.
The Wausau Police Department said a resident walking in the
city found a bun- dle containing $3,000 cash, multiple Christmas gift envelopes and a bank receipt.
The resident turned the money over to police, who con- tacted the institu- tion listed on the receipt, Peoples State Bank.
"We were then able to work with
the awesome folks at Peoples State Bank to get the money returned to the proper owner and ensure Christmas wasn't ruined after all," police said. "And for his awesome integrity, we pro- vided the finder with a gift card to a local business to help brighten his day as well."
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine