Page 8 - IAV Digital Magazine #464

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
KFC Fried Chicken- scented Firelog Sold Out In Hours
By Kate Bernot
Update, December
14: Oh, you actu- ally were inter- ested in that chicken-scented log, eh? Sorry for those who didn’t snatch theirs up early, as the
logs reportedly sold out within hours yesterday.
Original story, December 13: “Back in my day,” your grandpa begins wheezily, “If we wanted fried chicken- smellin’ fires, we had to throw the chicken on the flames our- selves.”
He’s right, friends, but that hardship ends today, as KFC introduces a firel-
og that smells like the Colonel’s 11-herbs-and- spices fried chicken, made in partnership with Enviro-Log. For $18.99 (shipping and handling and tax included!), you’ll receive a 5-pound log that can burn for 2.5- 3 hours. Limit one per person, while supplies last, you must obtain the express written consent of Major League Baseball, etc. The site accepts payment via PayPal and states that most logs arrive within 5 days of order- ing, so that’s plenty of time to plan your Christmas or New Year’s Eve gathering around this festive and
finger-lickin’ fire- starter.
There are a few qualifications that give us pause, though, notably: “May attract bears or neigh- bors who are hungry.” Wait— would this actual- ly attract bears? (This is a legit concern in parts of my state of Montana.) What about raccoons? Sure, that $19 chicken log sounds like a fine idea until you wake up on Christmas morn- ing to find a fami- ly of possums has inhabited your chimney and chewed through all your kids’ presents. Don’t say The Takeout didn’t warn you.
A 300-pound Woman
Pleads Guilty To Killing
Her 120-pound Boyfriend
By Sitting on Him
By Brian Niemietz
A 300-pound Pennsylvania woman who killed her boyfriend by hitting him with a table leg, then sitting on him has pleaded guilty to third-degree mur- der.
Windi Thomas allegedly told police she had been drinking and craving crack cocaine when she smothered 120-pound Keeno Butler dur- ing an altercation in March.
The cause of death was “respi- ratory insufficien- cy secondary to blunt force trau- ma to the neck and thoracic compression, exacerbated by blunt force trau- ma to the head,” according
to Goerie.com.
Thomas will be in court Dec. 21 for sentencing. Prosecutors are recommending the woman spend
18 to 36 years behind bars. Both Thomas and Butler were 44 at the time of the incident. Had Thomas been found guilty by a jury, she could have been incar- cerated for 40 years.
“It’s a good result based upon the facts of the case,” Thomas’ court-appointed lawyer, Mark Del Duca told reporters. “I think it’s fair for both sides.”
The victim’s sis- ter, Sandra
Butler, thought Thomas’ got a light sentence for killing her brother.
“She deserved life,” Butler said.
Police investiga- tors said that Thomas also slashed Butler across his hand with a knife before sitting on him, with her head pressing against the sofa for leverage. After the murder, Butler reportedly called 911 and confessed that she killed some- one.