Page 16 - IAV Edition #385

The only true FREE CLASSIFIEDS in the Antelope Valley... Where buyers and sellers meet!
A Priest says to his friend the rabbi that he has developed a plan of eating for free in really good restaurants. "I sim- ply go in at well past 9 in the evening; eat several courses slowly; linger over coffee, dessert, and a cigar. At about 2 am, as they are cleaning up, I keep sitting there until eventually a waiter comes up and asks me to pay.
Then I say, 'I've already paid my original waiter, who has left for the night.' And, because I am a man of the cloth, the waiter takes my word for it, and I just simply walk out the front door as calm as ever."
The rabbi, clearly impressed says, "Let's try it together this evening."
The priest agrees and books them into an expensive, 5-Star Italian restaurant. They both eat like kings and, just as before, right at 2 am, they are both sitting qui- etly after enjoying their very full meal.
Sure enough, a waiter comes over and hands the priest & the rabbi a bill and asks them to pay. The priest calmly says: "I've already paid our original waiter who has left for the evening."
And then the rabbi adds:
"And we're still waiting for the change!"
Merv was in a terrible accident at work.
He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears.
Since he was perma- nently disfigured, he set- tled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way.
One day, Merv decided
to invest his money in a small, but growing tele- com business called Plexus Communications.
After weeks of negotia- tions, he bought the company outright. But, after signing on the dot- ted line, he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him. The next day he had set up three interviews.
The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting.
At the end of the inter- view, Merv asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"
And the gentleman answered, "Why yes, I couldn't help but notice you have no ears." Merv got very angry and threw him out.
The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy.
He asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?"
and she replied: "Well, you have no ears." Merv again was upset and tossed her out.
The third and last inter- view was the best of all three.
It was with a very young man who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome. And he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together.
Merv was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question:
"Do you notice anything different about me?" And
to his surprise, the young man answered: "Yes. You wear contact lens- es."
Merv was shocked, and said, "What an incredibly observant young man. How in the world did you know that?"
The young man fell off his chair laughing hyster- ically and replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no ears!"
Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks.
"Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider sell- ing all your cars.
Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex-wife!”, she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!!!!!"
Tom's reply: "I wasn't".
A very excited mother asked her daughter:
Well, what happened when you showed the girls in the office your new engagement ring? Did they all admire it?
Her daughter replied: Better than that, four of them recognized it.
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HOUSE
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LAND
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MOBILE HOME
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STORAGE/ SPACE
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