Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #451

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospi- tal. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?". . . And God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face- lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last oper- ation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambu- lance.
Arriving in front of God, she demand- ed, "I thought you said I had another 33 years? Why did- n't you pull me from the path of the ambulance?"
. . . And God replied: " I didn't
recognize you!!!!!"
When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.
No sooner were the papers deliv- ered when a friend of the family phoned and com- plained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gon- orrhea."
Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remem- ber him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wed- ding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.
She told him “Tomorrow morn- ing, I expect to find a gift in the drive- way that goes from 0to200in6sec- onds AND IT BET- TER BE THERE !!”
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the
driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
ruLES TO rEMEMbEr in LifE
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfort- abletocryina BMW than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remem- ber the asshole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any prob- lems, but then nei- ther does milk.
6. Condoms don't guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one, when he was shot by the woman's husband.
History of
LSD
Click on Link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2Do83OlNho&fea- ture=youtu.be
LSD. Only few other drugs have changed our society the way LSD did. It jumpstarted the hippie move- ment and intro- duced millions of people around the world to new states of con- sciousness. But everything has two sides. So does does the
history of LSD. It entered the psychothera- pist’s repertoire as a tool for introspection but was quickly abused by the CIA as an experimental truth serum before it became a sta- ple drug of the 60s. And even though LSD was prohibited
on a global scale in 1970, it’s influence can still be heard and seen.
That’s why I want to tell you all about the history of LSD, from its first synthesis and even way before that, up to this years 75 year anniver- sary of LSD...
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine