Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #519

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
My doctor has advised me to stop drinking.
It's going to be a massive change for me.
I've been with that doctor for 15 years.
A man needed a horse, so he went to a church and got one. Before he left, the priest told him that it was a special horse. In order to make the horse go, you say, "Thank God", and for it to stop you say, "Amen".
So the man left, and a few min- utes later he dozed off on his horse. Hours later, he woke up and his horse was racing him towards the edge of a cliff. Just in time, he shouted "Amen!" and the horse stopped a few inches from the edge.
"Whew," said the man, "thank God!"
In my Sunday school class the focus was mar-
riage or divorce, "The rapidly increasing divorce rate," remarked one member of the group, "indi- cates that America is indeed becoming the land of the free."
"Yes," replied the prosaic friend, "but the continued marriage rate suggests that America is still the home of the brave."
A girl went to a palmist to have her hand read.
"I see that you are in love with a tall man with a front tooth miss- ing," the palmist said to her.
"That's right," was the reply.
"I see that he has ask you to marry him and his name is Bill Jones," the palmist said.
"That's mar- velous," said the girl. "How can you tell that from the lines on my hand?"
"It's not the lines I
am reading," the palmist said, "It's the ring you are wearing. I gave it back to Bill two weeks ago."
A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful exami- nation, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.
"I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.
The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hob- bles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hob- bles back into the examining room.
Just then the doc- tor comes back with a bucket of warm water, "Okay, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 min- utes."
S. Carolina Woman Knocks Out Man Accused of Beating Girlfriend At Bowling Alley
By Michael Ruiz | Fox News
An unidentified South Carolina woman knocked out a Charleston lawyer whom she allegedly wit- nessed attack- ing his girlfriend at a bowling alley, according to local reports.
Pano Michael Dupree, 58, allegedly grabbed his girl- friend by the neck and hair at Ashley Lanes on Sam Rittenberg Bouelvard on March 19. He faces charges of third-degree assault and bat- tery, arrest records show.
A booking photo appears to show some of the damage the intervening woman did – he’s got a black eye, cuts and bruises across his face.
Witnesses told police that prior to the incident, a man walked into the bowling alley and began argu- ing with a woman, WCSC r eported. Then he allegedly placed her in a choke- hold and yanked her hair.
An unknown woman ran over and punched Dupree in the face, according to the police report.
He dropped to the floor, alleged- ly taking a chunk of the victim’s hair along the way. He was still on the ground by the time police arrived, accord- ing to WCSC.
Authorities took him to a hospital for treatment and placed him under arrest there. He was released on $1,087 bond and is due back in court May 5.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine