Page 16 - IAV Edition #375

The only true FREE CLASSIFIEDS in the Antelope Valley... Where buyers and sellers meet!
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping car- riage of a train.
After the initial embar- rassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awful- ly cold and I was won- dering if you could possi- bly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and with a glint in his eye said "I've got a better idea ... let's pretend we're married."
"Why not," giggles the woman.
"Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket."
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: "Change your course 10 degree east."
The light signals back: "Change yours, 10 degrees west."
Angry, the captain sends: "I'm a navy captain! Change your course, sir!"
"I'm a seaman, second class," comes the reply. "Change your course, sir."
Now the captain is furi- ous. "I'm a battleship! I'm not changing course!"
There is one last reply. "I'm a lighthouse. Your call."
In a divorce court, a woman requested the judge: "Your Honor, I want to divorce my hus- band."
judge.
She replied, "Because he was never faithful to me."
The judge asked, "How do you know?"
She replied, "Your honor, none of our six children resembles him., Not even close."
Charlie, a new retiree- greeter at a local Walmart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time.
Every day he was 10, 20, 30 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demon- strating their "Older Person Friendly" policy.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
"Charlie, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a really good job, but your being late so often is bother- some.
"Yes, I know, boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I want to hear. It's odd though, your coming in late. I know you retired from the U.S. Navy. What did they say if you came in late there?"
"They said, " Good morn- ing Admiral, can I get you a cup of coffee, sir?"
Two policemen call the station on their radio.
"Hello. ..... Is this the Sarge?"
"Yes?"
"We have a case here, Sarge. A woman has shot her husband dead for stepping on the floor she had mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"No sir. The floor is still wet."
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
"I'd like to be eight again..." she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her off to the local theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, every thing there was.
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
Right away, they jour- neyed to a McDonald's where her loving hus- band ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
Then it was off to the movies with popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, and her favorite M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his pre- cious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well, Dear, what was it like being eight again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression sud- denly changed. "I meant my dress size!!!!!!!"
The moral of the story: Even when a man is lis- tening, he's gonna get it wrong.
"But why?" asked the
16
661-266-4-ADS
ANTELOPE VALLEY FREE CLASSIFIEDS ;
W. Lancaster: Amazing home. 5+3, Formal living & dining. Huge kitchen, big backyard, basketball court • 874-7306374
W. Lancaster: Guest house, 1+1, living room, kitchen, dining area $750+$750dep • 874-7306374
Boron: 5+2, nice area, big & clean $800 includes utilities • 818-448-9829374
ROOM FOR
RENT
W. Lancaster: $525+$100dep. Pd utilities. Masterbedroom w/ private bath, walk-in closet, fur- nished, full privileges. Internet, pool & jacuzzi. No pets, smoking or drugs •
718-2020 378
Cal City: $350/mo, pd utili- ties • 760-848-3549378
Palmdale: Private bath, full house privileges, pool & jacuzzi $285 • 268-2410378
Share apt, shared bath, all utilities pd, kitchen privi-
leges $350 • 208-5555
377
Palmdale: Ave R & 27st East. No pet, drugs alcohol or smoking. $550 • 526- 2711377
W. Palmdale: Single person, no smoking & drinking. $400 • 265-8178377
W. Lancaster: 3 rooms. $350 & $450. Full privi- leges, washer/ dryer. Pd all utilities • 562-208-9371377
Palmdale: Single working person. No smoking & pet. $425+ $100dep. Utilities pd, wifi • 818-402-7676377
E. Lancaster: Newly remod- eled home, own bath, fully furnished w/ new furnitures, AC • 942-6981376
Furnished or unfurnished, Fairly new home. $400/
376 $450 • 480-0875
Littlerock: 82nd & Ave U. 3+2, fireplace, living & din- ing room, approx 1700sqft, single story. Credit & income check $1,150 • 733- 6595376
E. Lancaster: Private room, newer home close to Soccer field, plenty of street parking. $450 + 1/3 utilities, Sec deposit. No smoking, drugs, alcohol or pet • 754-
376 1115
All women silver home. $350 & $450, utilities pd • 264-4304375
Rancho Vista: Beautiful, peaceful home. Close to AV
Mall, frwy. Large room, Laundry & Internet. No drugs & alcohol. $500, pd utilities, no dep & no securi- ty. Must be employed • 450-
mobILe Home For saLe! Double wide. 24x65, Aluminum sidings, 2+2, den. New ref range dishwasher, 2 cooler w/ Aircon in the kitchen. Includes all furni- tures, Fixtures, TV, appliances & others MUST SEE! 661-256-0868 serious inquiry !!!
5541
374
W. Palmdale: shared bath, $475+$200dep. Utilities pd. No pet, no drugs or alcohol, must be employed, SS ok • 266-1947374
Reduced room rent of $250 in exchange for part time care giving, light cleaning & cooking. Female, God fear- ing & honest. No drugs or
drama • 789-8729
375
HOUSE
FOR SaLE
Lancaster: 3+2, block fenced, automatic sprinkler, auto garage door. Tiles & carpet. Storage shed, cov- ered patio & etc $162,000 • 944-7171
Boron: 4+2, nice & clean. Move-in cond. Nice area • 818-442-1135375
over 200 houses & con- dos in the antelope Valley. bargain prices. These are bank owned, short pay, foreclosures. call us today. ask for Tony austin 661-722-5255 or betty at 661-944-7171
today. betty at 661-944-7171
MOBILE HOME
For Sale: 1988 newly remodeled mobile home, double wide, 3+2, hardwood floors, marble kitchen, ceramic tiles. Space rent $450/mo. $35,000 • 789-
8729 For sale: 2+1, $7000 • 944-
LaND
Rosamond: 2.5acres. Backus Rd & Sierra Hwy $16,500 • 273-3010
Lake Hughes: Up slope, 50’x132’. All utilities, paved road $5000 • 360-286-2481
378
378
378 4729
For sale; Rosamond. Double wide, large 2+2, Fully refurbished, low space rent $17,500 • 789-8729374
For Sale: 56 Single wide. 1+1, $15,000 • 445-3682374
For Sale: Commercial zoned. 2.5acres w/ mobile home & 3000sqft metal bldg in No. Edwards $100,000 •
Boron: 5acs, Boron Ave & 58frwy, OWC, surveyed. Will take trade vehicle as down payment • 942-0820
824-3333
336
California City: Residential lot $14,900 • 944-7171
Lake LA: 2.5 acres $29,900 • 661-944-7171
2+acres - 70th west & Ave. D4 $64,000; 2.5acres - 70th west & Ave D8 $47,250; 9+acres - Corner of Phillips & Neuralia Rd
$49,500 • 942-8894
bs
374s
STORaGE/ SPaCE
Parking space for rent or for gardening to plant vegeta- bles or???. 5acres on Littlerock on 82nd Ave & Ave U • 733-6595376
secure mInI sTorage. $1 moves you in. Selected sizes. Call for details 24hrs Security, Private PO Boxes, No Deposit Required. Units 10’-12’ high not 8’ 661-947-5400 37560 Sierra Hwy Palmdale
VaCaTION PROPERTY
Polo Towers timeshare in Las Vegas. Across from City Center & Bellagio. Very lux- urious accomodation. 1br/1ba. Deeded, annual usage. Thanksgiving week but floating & days can be divided if you want to go some other time. Strong exchange power. Fraction of developer’s price. Must sell!
Mojave: 17acres, agriculture on Hwy 58, flat, surveyed (4Lots). Power in front $100,000 • 824-3333
3acres on Hwy 58. R1, flat w/ electric $48,000 • 824-
3333
257
For sale: N. Edwards: 2.5 acres commercial land w/ 60’ Mobile Home, 2wells, 3,000sqft commercial bldg $299K • 824-3333
over 200 houses & con- dos in the antelope Valley. bargain Prices. These are bank owned, short pay, foreclosures. call us