Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #467

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
One week our preacher preached on com- mitment, and how we should dedi- cate ourselves to service. The director then led the choir in singing, 'I Shall Not Be Moved.'
The next Sunday, the preacher preached on giv- ing and how we should gladly give to the work of the Lord. The choir director then led the song, 'Jesus Paid It All.'
The next Sunday, the preacher preached on gos- siping and how we should watch our tongues. The hymn was 'I Love To Tell The Story.'
The preacher became disgust- ed over the situa- tion, and the next Sunday he told the congregation he was consider- ing resigning. The choir then sang 'Oh, Why Not Tonight.'
When the preach- er resigned the next week, he told the church that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was taking him away. The choir then sang, 'What A Friend
We Have in Jesus.'
Two young lady friends hadn't seen each other in a long time and decided to meet for lunch. Their conversation got around to their respective love lives.
Marcy confessed there really wasn't anyone in her life at the moment. Heather started smiling like crazy when talking about her new beau. "He's per- fect. He's so sweet. Then last night he said those four little words I've been waiting to hear."
"What? He asked you to marry him?" Marcy asked.
Heather said, "No, he said 'put your money away.'"
A local barber in my area just got arrested for sell- ing drugs...
Blew my mind, I've been his cus- tomer for years and had no idea he was a barber!
I set aside a dol- lar every time a woman found me
unattractive...
Now they are starting to find me attractive...
A college coach had recruited a top talent, but the player couldn't pass the school's entrance exam. Needing the recruit badly, the coach went to the dean and asked if the recruit could take the test oral- ly. The dean agreed, and the following day the recruit and the coach were seat- ed in his office.
"Okay," the dean said. "What is seven times seven?"
The recruit mulled it over for a moment, then said, "I think it's 49."
Suddenly the coach leapt to his feet. "Please, Dean," he begged, "give him another chance!"
Some people wake up feeling like a million bucks...
Me? I wake up feeling more like "Insufficient Funds".
Prague Man (successfully) Robs Store With Own Penis
By Lucas Němec
Give me the money,” the thief said. “I have a knife.”
But
he wasn’t holding a knife.
This was the curi- ous case of a rob- bery that occurred in Prague’s city center on December 20, when a purportedly-armed assailant entered a shop on Na Florenci street, reports iDnes.cz.
The man, who has since been appre- hended by police, waited in line until he was with the sales assistant.
“He turned to the woman behind the counter and said: ‘Give me the money’,” described Prague Police spokesperson Tomáš Hulan.
“He then he took his penis out of his pants and added, ‘I have a knife with
me’.”
The question of whether the thief had intended to brandish his own member is a matter of speculation.
“Whether the robber himself became confused in the heat of the moment and accidentally reached into his trousers elsewhere than intended is still unknown,” said Hulan.
Still, the stickup was at least initially successful. The sales assistant was so shocked that the crook managed to grab thousands of crowns from the register and make a clean getaway.
Afterwards, howev- er, he was quickly apprehended. And police soon discov- ered that he had been running anoth- er scam on the streets of central Prague.
“The accused claimed to be
employed by a radio station that drove a promo car through the streets of the Prague every day, each time in different place,” Hulan described.
“And whoever spot- ted it would win a cash prize in the order of tens of thousands of crowns. The accused claimed to have information about where this car would be during the day, so there would be no prob- lem finding it and winning.”
Of course, he charged sums of up to a thousand crowns for this fraudulent informa- tion.
Because police sus- pect the cocky thief of running more scams in Prague, they have published his photo in local media and asked citizens to come for- ward if they have more information about his activities.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine