Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #494

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
A Policeman stops a speeding car and tells the woman driver, "When I saw you driving down the road, I thought to myself, 'sixty-five at least.'”
"SIXTY-FIVE!" shrieked the woman.
"Yes, sixty-five."
"I don’t think that is quite fair. I think this hat makes me look older."
When her hus- band came home unexpectedly, the young wife opened the win- dow and told her lover to jump.
"You’re mad, this is the thirteenth floor!" he replied, shocked.
"Just jump, this is no time for super- stitions!"
One sunny day a man decided to go jump from an airplane. When he jumped there was good and bad news....
Good news: He had a parachute.
Bad News: It didnt work.
Good News: There was a haystack down
below.
Bad news: There was a pitchfork in the haystack.
Good News: He missed the pitch- fork.
Bad News: He missed the haystack.
I've started a new exercise program.
I do twenty sit-ups every morning.
That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that SNOOZE button just so many times...
The teacher asks Joanie, "If you had a million dol- lars and gave away one quarter and another quar- ter and then another quarter, how much would you have left?"
Joanie replies, "A million dollars minus 75 cents."
Late for work already, I was annoyed to find a strange car in my reserved parking space again. After locating a spot far away, I stormed into my office determined, to have the car towed. As the morning wore on,
however, my anger cooled, and I decided to give the driver another chance.
During lunchtime, I went outside and left this note on the driver's windshield:
"Please don't take my parking space. If you do, and your car dis- appears, don't say I never towed you!"
A housewife with three young chil- dren was getting dinner ready when the phone rang. The six- year-old picked it up and said, "Hi, Daddy!" and she began telling him about her day.
She then passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the cus- tom whenever Daddy called from work.
When it was final- ly the wife's turn to talk she took the receiver and said, "Hi, honey."
"Thank goodness, lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just called to tell you that the wallpaper you ordered is here!"
YouTuber Eats 14- Month-Old Burger to Prove He Can Eat Anything Under The Sun
By Harry Rosen
The man from Yorkshire decid- ed to take the ‘McDonald’s 365 challenge’ on his 40th birthday. Now the video of him eating the 14-month old food is going viral online.
The 32-minute video posted on YouTube has been viewed more than 73,000 views. Matt bought the fast food meal, consisting of a Big Mac, fries
and chocolate milkshake in November 2018. The fast food was packed in an air-tight plas- tic container, which was then buried in a hole in Matt’s friend Andy Thompson’s gar- den.
The sales man- ager and father of three gags up multiple times while eating the gone-off food items but bravely finishes off everything on his plate. Other than
experiencing second-hand gags, viewers also praised Matt for his effort.One YouTube user commented, “There’s no way I could eat that.” Another said, “I am both impressed and disgusted at the same time.” The user also wished the YouTuber happy birthday. Several patted Matt’s back for keeping it all in and not throwing up.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine