Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #474

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
A man realized he needed to pur- chase a hearing aid, but didn't want to spend a lot of money.
“How much do they cost?" he asked the salesman.
"Anything from $2 to $2,000."
"Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer.
The salesman put the device around the man's neck, and said: "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket."
"How does it work?" asked the customer.
"For $2, it doesn't work," said the salesman.
"But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."
A woman walks into a Ferrari deal- ership.
She browses around, then spots the car of her dreams. She walks over to inspect it.
As she bends to feel the leather upholstery, a small
fart escapes her.
Extremely embar- rassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed, and hopes a sales per- son doesn't pop up right now.
But as she turns back, there stand- ingnexttoherisa handsome young salesman.
"Good day Madam, how may I help you?"
Very uncomfort- ably, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this fabulous vehi- cle?"
He answers, "Madam, I'm afraid I can't say. If you farted just touching it, you're going to poop on yourself when you hear the price."
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wed- ding, he laid down the following rules:
“I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want- and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won’t be home for
dinner. I’ll go hunt- ing, fishing, booz- ing and card-play- ing when I want with my old bud- dies and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any com- ments?”
His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just under- stand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night.. whether you’re here or not.”
A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class.
On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella.
The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red.
fter seeing this, the teacher asked him: "Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?"
Young Bobby replied with "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."
Stoned Wallabies Make Crop Circles
SYDNEY (Reuters) - The mystery of crop circles in poppy fields in Australia’s south- ern island state of Tasmania has been solved — stoned wallabies are eating the poppy heads and hopping around in circles.
“We have a problem with wallabies enter- ing poppy fields, getting as high as a kite and going around in circles,” the state’s top law- maker Lara Giddings told
local media on Thursday.
“Then they crash. We see crop circles in the poppy indus- try from walla- bies that are high,” she said.
Many people believe crop cir- cles that mysteri- ously appear in fields around the world are creat- ed by aliens.
Poppy producer Tasmanian Alkaloids said livestock which ate the poppies were known to “act weird” —
including deer and sheep in the state’s highlands.
“There have been many sto- ries about sheep that have eaten some of the pop- pies after har- vesting and they all walk around in circles,” said field operations manager Rick Rockliff.
Australia pro- duces about 50 percent of the world’s raw material for mor- phine and relat- ed opiates.
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