Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #541

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.
First Bull: "Ive been here five years. Im not giv- ing this new bull any of my 100 cows."
Second Bull: "Ive been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. Im keeping all my cows."
Third Bull: "Ive only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but Im keeping all 10 of my cows."
Just then an 18- wheeler pulls up in the pasture car- rying the biggest bull theyve ever seen.
At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp. First Bull: "I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend."
Second Bull: "I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. Im certainly not look- ing for an argu-
ment."
They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.
First Bull: "Son, dont be foolish, let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."
Third Bull: "Hell, he can have all my cows. Im just making sure he knows Im a bull."
Three old men reminiscing in a nursing home...
... complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old.
The first old man said, “I’d give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 min- utes to take a piss, and then it’s only a small drib- ble.”
The second old man said, “I’d give anything to take a good shit like I did when I was young. Every morning I sit on the stool and strain and strain until I can finally get some-
thing out.”
The third old man said, “Well, every morning at 5 I take me a really long piss. Then at6onthedotI take a really big shit.”
The other two old men look at him and say, “So what the hell are you complaining about?”
The third old man says, “I don’t wake up until 7”.
Alex, a widower, went to a senior citizen's dance.
There he met Ruth, a woman also advanced in years.
Alex and Ruth danced every dance together.
Afterward, they went out for cof- fee.
As they walked home, Ruth said, "You remind me of my fourth hus- band."
Alex said, "Really? How many times have you been mar- ried?"
Ruth said, "Three."
Scottish Woman Checks Bank Account After Six Decades, $3.35 Became $335
By Ben Hooper
Feb. 28 (UPI) -
- A Scottish woman who rediscovered a bank account she hadn't touched in over 60 years was surprised to learn her $3.35 balance had bal- looned into $335.
Carol Allison, 74, who grew up in the Philippines, said she was vis- iting her grand- mother in Scotland when she was 6-years- old when the older woman helped her open an account at Trustee Savings Bank, which is now TSB.
Allison said her
grandmother kept the bank book from the deposit and it was passed down to her when her grand- mother died at theageof80in 1969.
Allison, who now lives in the Stockbridge area of Edinburgh, said she recently rediscovered the bank book, and two others, while cleaning her house.
She took the book to the bank and discovered her account was still active. She said the $3.35 she had invested in the bank more than six decades earlier was now
$335.
"I was really pleased and thanked my grandmother, under my breath, when they told me I had £250 [U.S. $335]," Allison told the BBC. "They said it had continued to gain interest all that time."
Allison said she is now planning to find out if the other two bank books bring any further unexpect- ed windfall.
"I'm now going to see how much has accrued in the other two now, it's very exciting," she said.
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