Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #468

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch.
"Within one minute, the person pre- sumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, some- what stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previ- ous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a ver-
dict of guilty. "But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt, I saw all of you stare at the door."
The jury foreman replied, "Oh, we did look, but your client didn't."
One day a man drove his secretary home after she fell quite ill at work. Although this was an innocent ges- ture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tend- ed to get jealous easily.
Later, that night the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant.
Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passen- ger seat. Not want- ing to be conspicu- ous, he waited until his wife was look- ing out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat.
"Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other
shoe?"
John: "My grandpa is 98 years old, and he doesn't even use glasses."
Jack: "Wow, that is incredible!"
John: "Yep, he drinks straight from the bottle."
Last year I entered a marathon. The race started and immediately I was the last of the run- ners. It was embar- rassing.
The guy who was in front of me, sec- ond to last, was making fun of me. He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?"
I replied, "You real- ly want to know?"
Then I dropped out of the race.
"We have your son," said the kid- napper.
"I don't have a son," says the woman.
"Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crust off his sandwiches?"
"Oh God, you have my husband."
Instagram Fitness Model Gets Bit In The Butt By Pig During Trip To Bahamas
By Michael Bartiromo | Fox News
Like so many Instagram influ- encers before her, Michelle Lewin recently found herself in the Bahamas alo ngside the famed “swimming pigs” of the Exumas.
This time, how- ever, the pigs weren’t in the mood for visitors.
The fitness model, 32,
shared a video of herself getting bit in the but- tocks by one of the pigs, then leaping across the beach before the pig’s buddies followed suit.
At the end of the footage, Lewin, who hails from Venezuela but is now based in Florda, shows off the bite marks on her left but- tock.
Lewin didn’t comment any
further with her 13.3 million Instagram follow- ers, opting instead for just the “shrug” and “pig” emojis.
The post has already amassed more than 4.5 million views on the social media platform, or more than quadruple the amount of views received by her last video, posted the day before.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine