Page 16 - IAV Digital Magazine

The only true FREE CLASSIFIEDS in the Antelope Valley... Where buyers and sellers meet!
A woman had seven sons, all of whom were named Tyrone. One day, the local newspaper sent a reporter out to inter- view her. He asked, "Ma'am, whay did you name all of your sons Tyrone?" The woman responded,
"Oh, it's great! If I need to clean the dishes I just yell 'Tyrone come help clean the dishes' and 3 Tyrones help get it done real quick. When I get groceries 'Tyrone help bring in the bags' and 5 Tyrones get it all inside and put away real quick!"
"That's nice," replied the reporter, "but what if you need a specific son?" The woman laughed and said, "Oh that's easy, just call 'em by their last name."
In the early 1970's Brezhnev announces to the Politburo that he is making a state visit to Poland, and that in honor of the trip he wishes to bring the Polish people a momentous gift.
It is decided that Brezhnev should bring a large painting entitled "Lenin In Poland." After all, what could be a more meaningful expression of Soviet-Polish solidarity than a portrait of Lenin, the god of Soviet com- munism, visiting Poland?
Unfortunately, Lenin never visited Poland, and the "great masters" of the Artist's Union, their minds constricted by socialist realism, can come up with no ideas how to depict Lenin in Poland.
Time is running short, and the Soviet leader- ship is growing desparate. Finally it is decided to approach Rabinowitz, a dissedent artist. "We know you have voiced many com- plaints against your country," a visiting KGB delegation tells him. "But if you perform this serv- ice for the motherland, we promise you a large apartment and a lot of work."
Rabinowitz agrees to make the painting of Lenin in Poland. Three weeks later, the day before the trip, Brezhnev leads a delegation of Politburo members into a conference room. There stands Rabinowitz in front of a large canvas covered by a drop-cloth. "Let us see the painting," Brezhnev orders.
Rabinowitz removes the drop-cloth, and every- body in the room gasps.. The painting shows a man in bed with a woman.
"Who is that man?" someone shouts at Rabinowitz. "That's Trotsky."
Another gasp. "And who is the woman?" another Politburo member yells out.
"Krupskaya, Lenin's wife."
"And where is Lenin?" Brezhnev thunders? "Lenin's in Poland."
An old man was laying on his death bed. He had only hours to live when he suddenly smelled chocolate chip cookies.
He loved chocolate chip cookies more than any- thing else in the world.
With his last bit of ener- gy, he pulled himself out of bed, across the floor, and to the stairs. Then down the stairs and into the kitchen.
There his wife was bak- ing chocolate chip cook- ies. As he reached for one, he got SMACKED across the back of his hand by the wooden spoon his wife was hold- ing.
“Leave them alone!” she said, “They’re for the funeral!”
Sunday morning the weather was too bad to play golf. I was wonder- ing around with nothing to do when i heard the door bell ring. I opened it to see a well dressed man standing there who
said, "I'm a Jehovah's Witness, do you have a moment for Jesus Christ?"
With nothing else going on I said, "Come in and sit down."
We sat down, I offered him a cup of coffee and asked, "What would you like to talk about?"
The young man replied, "Beats the shit out of me, I've never gotten this far."
I can'T KeeP
a STeady job!
I worked in an orange juice factory but I got canned. I couldn’t con- centrate.
I worked in the woods as a lumber jack but I just couldn’t hack it. They gave me the ax.
I worked as a tailor but I wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
I worked in a muffler fac- tory but it was too exhausting.
I attempted to be a deli worker but any way I sliced it I couldn’t cut the mustard.
I worked as a musician but I found out I wasn’t note worthy.
I worked as a doctor but I didn’t have any patience.
I became a professional fisherman but I found out I couldn’t live on my net income.
I worked as a pool main- tenance worker but it was too draining.
I worked at the zoo, feeding giraffes, but I wasn’t up to it.
I worked as a historian but found out that there’s no future in that.
I worked at Starbucks but I quit because it was always the same old grind.
mobILe Home For SaLe! Double wide. 24x65, Aluminum sidings, 2+2, den. New ref range dishwasher, 2 cooler w/ Aircon in the kitchen. Includes all furni- tures, Fixtures, TV, appliances & others MUST SEE! 661-256-0868 serious inquiry !!!
STORAGE/
SPACE
Secure mInI STorage. $1 moves you in. Selected sizes. Call for details 24hrs Security, Private PO Boxes, No Deposit Required. Units 10’-12’ high not 8’ 661-947-5400 37560 Sierra Hwy Palmdale
SPORTinG
GOOdS
Exercise bike $100 • 948-
2484 391
Moving, must sell. Proform Crossfit treadmill, 6 mons $250 • 794-8522390
Rally sports Tour De France bike $60 • 266-1947390
Pool table w/ new balls & sticks, good cond $150 • 818-667-0907389
3) 20x20 large tent, different colors $300 for all • 944- 0240387
Treadmill $300 • 794-8522387
Power X men’s bike. 26’ tires, 18spd. Maroon & grey, almost new $80 • 818-299- 1416386
Used helmet for hockey or football w/ full face guard $15 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am- 8:30pm only373
VEHiClES
ACCESSORIES
Chevy power steering rac- ing box $250 • 483-7609391
Used OEM car parts in lot, great cond. All brands, domestics & imports • 488- 4352391
Car jack $15 • 256-4904391
Parting out 1977 Ford F250 pick up, complete. Has not run for over 10yrs. No win- dows • 272-9273 bet 8am- 8:30pm only391
1973 Chevy am radio, origi- nal $25 • 943-6071390
1973 radio track, am/fm $40 • 943-6071390
1969 Fisher body service manual, very rare $35. In depth on everything but motor & Trans • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm390
Repair manual for 1984-94 Ford Tempo & Mercury Topaz. Slightly used, good cond $15 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm390
2)Door window for 1970 Chevy Nova $50ea • 266- 1947390
New in box motorcycle headlight CY50 $20 • 266-
1947 390
12 ton bottle jack, USA $45
• 256-4904 389
Buick 425 head, dual four barrel, aluminum cover, run- ning engine • 944-5373
16” Aluminum rims for Lexus, xlnt cond $150 •
264-3928 20” Star faced rims, univer-
complete $600 • 942-0820386 Tires for car • 350-2896386
Pair 327/305 engine head $100/pr • 400-6914386
1962-63 Chevy pick up cab $250 • 400-6914386
Drawtite tow hitch. Off of 1989 Ford F250, good cond $100 • 818-299-1416386
New super ride all season tire. 1” white wall P185/80R/13 $35 • 818- 299-1416386
Summit High tire. 195/60R/15 on rim for Honda $70 • 818-299-1416386
New Goodyear tire. 1” white wall on rim P235/75R/15 $70 • 818-299-1416386
Chilton Toyota truck repair manual from 1970-88. Includes wiring & vacuum diagrams. For Land Cruiser & 4Runner, 4wheel drive & diesel engines • 272-9273
bet 8am-8:30pm only
385
388
sal look $325 • 824-2512
388
Engine stand, 750lbs capacity. Good cond $30 •
818-299-1416 386
Mercedes Benz brakelight lens covers for 1970-1980’s. Disconnected, ready to go. One pair $68 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm377
Repair manual for Dodge full size pick up trucks 1994-96 $21 for 2WD & 4WD, gas & diesel engines • 272-9273 bet 8am- 8:30pm377
13” Dexter rim for very old trailer. Good cond $35 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm376
Repair manual for basic car- buration & fuel sys $35. The how & why for all things car- burator. Includes smog, emissions, fuel pumps & lines • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-8:30pm only
373
Chrysler/Dodge/Eagle repair manual 1993-97 $18. Chrysler LHS, Concorde & New Yorker. Also Dodge Intrepid & Eagle Vision. In good shape • 272-9273 bet
37 8:30am-8:30pm
Flywheels for V8 Chevy motors $21. For older chevy motor • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-8:30pm37
Used tire, 65% tread left $23. P215/65/R17 • 272- 9273 bet 8am-8:30pm only3663
4 Tires , size 700/14/LT, like new $150 • 794-8675389
Old chrome V6 metal emblem $19, some pitting maybe from an old International Harvester • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-
8:30pm 387
1955-70 Chevy body parts • 406-1843386
454 head for Chevy, big block • 478-4541386
Engine hoist w/ wheels • 478-4541386
1967 Chevy 327, rebuilt, complete $600 • 942-0820386
1972 Mustang engine 302, bored 30 over, short block w/ head & intake $500 • 942-0820386
1971 Cadillac engine 500, complete $600 • 942-0820386
1970 Cadillac engine 472,
16
661-266-4-ADS
ANTELOPE VALLEY FREE CLASSIFIEDS ;