Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #478

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A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doc- tor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row.
The couple would make an appoint- ment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out any- thing," the hus- band replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we
can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare.
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up."
"That's not senili- ty," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down."
A sweet little 6 year old boy sur- prised his grand- mother one morn- ing and brought her a cup of cof- fee.
He made it him- self and was so proud.
He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the cof- fee.
The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little
green army guys in the bottom of the cup.
She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?"
Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is sol- diers in your cup'."
Asked the FBI agent to the bank teller after the bank was robbed for the third time by the same ban- dit: "Did you notice anything special about the man?"
"Yes, he seemed better dressed each time!"
A couple was having a discus- sion about family finances.
Finally the hus- band exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."
It Turns Out That Juggalo Makeup Blocks Facial Recognition Technology
By Ming Lee Newcomb
Last year, Ticketmaster and LiveNation invested in a for- mer military facial recognition company, with the hope that the technology could be used to both strengthen and speed up event entry. If that prospect thor- oughly creeps you out, here’s a simple life-hack to defeat Big Brother: become a Juggalo. In a revelation that is sure to freak out the FBI, Insane Clown Posse’s passionate fan base have unin- tentionally unlocked the secret to thwart- ing facial recog- nition.
It turns out that
Juggalos face makeup cannot be accurately read by many facial recognition technologies. Most common programs identify areas of contrast — like those around the eyes, nose, and chin — and then compare those points to images within a data- base. The black bands frequently used in Juggalo makeup obscure the mouth and cover the chin, totally redefining a person’s key features.
As Twitter use @tahkion points out (via Yahoo!), the black-on- white face paint tricks most facial recognition into incorrectly read- ing a person’s jawline and, pre-
sumably, eye area.
Unfortunately, the Faygo-loving clan are not totally safe from all facial recogni- tion technology. While most com- mon software uses areas of light contrast to register identify- ing features, Apple’s Face ID instead uses depth percep- tion. Since makeup only changes the apparent shape of your chin and not the depth of your dimples, Apple’s facial recognition ren- ders the Juggalo makeup workaround use- less. But at least you’ll be able to sneak past LiveNation’s facial scanning.
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