Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #422

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Inspirational Stories Fifth Grade Assignment
A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look At TV commer- cials and see if they could use them in twenty ways to com- municate ideas about God. Here are some of the results:
• God is like. BAYER ASPIRIN He works miracles.
• God is like. A FORD He's got a better idea..
• God is like. COKE He's the real thing.
• God is like. HALLMARK CARDS He cares enough to send His very best.
• God is like. TIDE He gets the stains out others leave
behind. ... • God is like. GEN-
ERAL ELECTRIC He brings good things to life.
• God is like. WAL- MART He has everything.
• God is like. ALKA-SELTZER Try Him, you'll like Him
• God is like. SCOTCH TAPE You can't see Him, but you know He's there.
• God is like.. DELTA He's ready when you are.
• God is like. ALL- STATE You're in good hands with Him.
• God is like. VO-5 Hair Spray;He holds through all kinds of weather
• God is like. DIAL SOAP Aren't you
glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did?
• God is like . The U.S. POST OFFICE Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination.
• God is like. Chevrolet. . . .the heart beat of America
• God is like Maxwell House. .... . Good to the very last drop
• God is like. B o u nty....Heisthe quicker picker upper. . Can handle the tough jobs. .. And He won't fall apart on you
• God is like. The Energizer Bunny He Keeps Going, Going, and Going
St. Patrick's day Toasts
Here's to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold beer and another one.
May your wishes come true and your truth be wise. Happy St Patricks Day
Leprechauns, cas- tles, good luck and laughter. Lullabies, dreams and love ever after. A thou- sand welcomes when anyone comes... That's the Irish for You!
May your blessings outnumber The shamrocks that grow, And may trou- ble avoid you Wherever you go.
May your glass be ever full. May the roof over your head be always strong. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.
(With Irish accent) If liquor were a pond and I were a duck Id swim to the bottom and never come up... but liquor is not apondandImnota duck so tip your cup and lets get fu@*ed up.
An Irish priest is driv- ing down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty
wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest. The troop- er says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
Paddy and Sean are planning to go out on St Patricks Day, but only have 50 cents between them.
Paddy has an idea, he takes the 50 cents of Sean, goes to a butchers and buys a sausage. Sean is really pissed off at first that
Paddy spent their last money on a sausage, but Paddy lets him in on his plan.
"We are going into the next pub, order two pints, drink them and when it comes to paying you go down on your knees, unzip my trousers, pull the sausage out and start sucking on it"
So, they go into the first pub and do exactly as Paddy suggested. The bar- maid is disgusted by the sight and kicks the two out.
Paddy says: "see it works, we didn't pay did we?"
As Paddy's plan seems to be working they carry on doing
it...
In the 12th pub, both are quite drunk by now, Sean isn't look- ing too good. They have just finished their pints...
Sean: "I can't do this anymore Paddy my bloody knees are hurting as s**t...!" Paddy:
"No worries...I lost that bloody sausage in the third pub!"
What do you get when you cross poi- son ivy with a four- leaf clover? A rash of good luck.
Why can't you bor- row money from a leprechaun? Because they're always a little short.
Why don't you iron 4-Leaf clovers? Because you don't want to press your luck.
Knock Knock Who's there? Irish! Irish Who? Irish you a happy St. Patrick's Day!
I went out drinking on St Patricks Day, so I took a bus home...That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.
What's Irish and stays out all night? Paddy O'furniture! How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover? Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
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