Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #430

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
A nun, badly needing to use to the rest- room, rushed into a local Hooters.
Every time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I use the ladies' room?
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way, 'said the nun. So the bar- tender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out of, and the whole place stopped. She went to the bar- tender and said, 'Sir, I do not understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom? '
Well, now they know you're the one of us, 'said the bartender,' Would you like a drink? '' No thank you, but, I still do not understand, 'said the puzzled nun.
'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone goes to the ladies room and lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that
drink?
A buyer was consid- ering purchasing an aging thoroughbred but wanted a veteri- narian's opinion of the horse before finalizing the deal.
When the vet had completed his exam- ination the potential buyer asked, "Will I be able to race him?"
The veterinarian looked at the buyer, then at the horse.
"Sure," he replied, "And you'll probably beat him."
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, “You Can Be THE Man Of Your House.”
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, “From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptu- ous dessert.
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my
robe.
Then, you will mas- sage my feet and hands.
Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”
The wife replied, “The damn funeral director would be my first guess.”
Nurse: "How old are you?"
Patient: "None of your business."
Nurse: "But the doc- tor must know your age for his records. Please, just tell me, I'm going to find it out anyway."
Patient: "Well, first, multiply twenty by two, then add ten. Got that?"
Nurse: "Yes. Fifty."
Patient: "All right, now subtract fifty, and tell me, what do you get?"
Nurse: "Zero."
Patient: "Right. And that's exactly the chance of me telling you my age."
What is the differ- ence between a salon and a saloon?
A salon is where you go to make yourself look better.
A saloon is where you go to make everyone else look better.
Are Goats Taking Jobs From Union Workers?
Noe Hernandez
A battle is brewing at Western Michigan University this sum- mer between a group of hungry goats and a labor union.
The 400-member American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees has filed a grievance con- tending that the work the goats are doing in a wooded lot is taking away jobs from laid-off union workers.
"AFSCME takes protecting the jobs of its members very seriously and we have an agreed- upon collective bar- gaining agreement with Western Michigan," said Union President Dennis Moore. "We expect the contract to be followed, and in circumstances where we feel it's needed, we file a grievance."
The grievance alleges that the uni- versity did not notify the union that it was planning to use goat crews on campus, according to a chief steward report sup- plied to the Battle Creek Enquirer.
University spokes- woman Cheryl Roland said a small goat crew has been on campus this summer, but not to cut grass.
"For the second summer in a row, we've brought in a goat crew to clear undergrowth in a woodlot, much of it poison ivy and other vegetation that is a problem for humans to remove," Roland said. "Not wanting to use chemicals, either, we chose the goat solution to stay environmentally friendly.
"The area is rife with poison ivy and other invasive species, and our analysis showed the goats to be a sus-
tainable and cost- effective way of removing them," she added.
The goats were for- mally introduced to the campus and local community on June 2 in parking lot 51 of the Sindecuse Health Center.
Garrett Fickle and his wife, Gina, the owners of Munchers on Hooves in Coldwater, rent out their four-footed "lawn mowers" to homeowners, com- mercial property owners and other clients.
WMU used a 10- goat crew for one week last summer as part of a pilot project, which Roland called a suc- cess.
The 20-goat crew is expected to clear about 15 acres on the southwest side of Goldsworth pond before stu- dents return for the fall semester.
The goats are ahead of schedule, said Nicholas Gooch, a university horticulturist and the project leader.
"It's definitely not what we hoped would come out of this project," Gooch said Thursday. "It kind of takes the air out of your sails a little bit."
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