Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #529

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a par- ticularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmolo- gist colleague and see if there's any- thing he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
A man and his wife attended a dinner party at the home of their friends. Near the end of the meal, the wife repri- manded her hus- band. "That's the third time you've gone for dessert," she scolded. "The hostess must think you're self- ish and an absolute pig."
"I don't think so," he said. "I've been telling her it's for you."
Teacher: If two people told you they walked five miles in a straight line into a desert how many miles would they have walked together?
Little Johnny: They would have walked 10 miles together.
Teacher: That isn’t correct Johnny, they walked 5 miles together, so the answer is 5 miles and not a com- bined total of 10 miles.
Little Johnny, nope, it’s 10 miles and I’ll betcha a buck.
Teacher: You’re on! Now explain to the class how you arrived at 10 total miles. BTW, I’ll let you off the hook for the dol- lar.
Little Johnny: You said two people told me they told me they’d walked in a straight line five miles into the desert. How could they have told me this unless they walked backed? That’s ten miles in my book and I’m not letting you off the hook, change will be fine.
If you want to change the world, do it when you are single!
Once you' re mar- ried, you can't even change the TV channel.
Man Inserts Eel Into Rectum InHopesTo ‘Relieve Constipation’
By Global Times
A man in Xinghua, East China's Jiangsu Province, insert- ed a 20-centime- ter-long eel into his rectum from his anus on July 20 in hopes of relieving consti- pation, but instead almost lost his life after the eel entered his abdomen.
What motivated the man to do so is a "folk remedy" that says an eel can help with bowel movement. But instead of curing the consti- pation, the eel
went from the man's rectum to the colon and bit through it, enter- ing the abdomen.
He finally went to the hospital after enduring pain on the first day as he was "too shy to see the doc- tor." The doctor who gave him the operation said he could have lost his life as the bacteria in the large intes- tine may cause hemolysis when it reaches his abdominal cavity.
The eel was still alive by the time
it was removed during operation. The man is not the only victim of the "folk remedy" that says insert- ing eel into rec- tum can cure constipation. A 50-year-old man in South China's Guangdong Province did the same thing with a 40 cm-long eel in June 2020.On June 2 2020, an African carp was found in the stomach of a young man in Guangdong, who claimed that the fish "slid into" his rectum when he accidentally sat on it.
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