Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #497

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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?”
She asked. “Hunting flies,” he replied. “Oh, killed any?” She said. “Yep, 3 males, 2 females,” came the answer.
Intrigued, the wife asked, “How can you tell them apart?”
Husband: “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.”
How To Get Out Of A Blind Date 101
After being with her all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with his blind date.
Earlier, he had secretly
arranged to have a friend call him on the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said: “I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.”
“Thank heavens,”
his date replied. “If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to!”
The Collins family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border.
For generations, their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between Canada and the United States.
Mrs. Collins, who had just celebrat- ed her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and two grandchildren.
One day, her son rushed into her room with a letter in his hand. "Mom, I have some news," he said.
"The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States.
We have the right to approve or dis- approve of the agreement. What do you think?"
"What do I think?" his mother
replied. "Jump at it! Call them immediately and tell them we accept. I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!"
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.
She read,"...and so the pig went up to the man with the wheel barrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said'Holy Sh*t! A talking pig!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
Officials: Man Angry About Stimulus Check Set Shed On Fire
MARKSVILLE, La. (AP) — Fire Marshals in Louisiana said a man set his mother’s shed on fire out of anger for not receiving a federal stimu- lus check amid the coronavirus p andemic.
Marvin Smith Jr., 51, got into a dispute with his mother over the federal payout before the arson happened Friday, the Louisiana Office of State
Fire Marshal said in a news release.
Investigators were able to determine the fire was inten- tionally set inside the Hamburg shed. They arrested Smith after witnesses told them they saw him in the shed moments before the fire started. Witnesses also told investigators they saw Smith flee the scene
after the fire.
He was booked into jail on an arson charge after Avoyelles Parish deputies found him armed with a knife. Smith has also been charged with other crimes by the parish’s Sheriffs office. It was not immedi- ately clear if he had a lawyer who could com- ment on his behalf.
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