Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #482

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
A group of kinder- gartners were try- ing to become accustomed to the first grade.
The biggest hur- dle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.
"You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them.
She asked Chris what he had done over the week- end.
“I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTH- ER. Use big peo- ple words!"
She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo- choo."
She said, "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words."
She then asked Bobby what he had done.
“I read a book," he replied.
"That's WON- DERFUL!" the teacher said.
"What book did you read?"
Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the Shit."
Three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the Gates of Heaven. Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter him- self.
“When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?” asks St. Peter.
The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and a great family man.”
The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful hus- band and school teacher who made a huge dif- ference in our children.”
The last guy replies. “I would like to hear them say... LOOK !!! HE’S MOV- ING!!!!!”
Jack and his wife lived in Arizona where the sum- mers are very hot.
He woke up one day when they were having a heat wave.
As he stepped out of the shower he complained to his wife saying,
“It’s just too hot to wear any clothes on a day like this. What would the neighbors think if I mowed the lawn with no clothes.”
“That I married you only for your money.”
Someone knocked at my door last evening. When I opened it, I saw a guy from Domino's holding a chicken pepper- oni pizza with extra cheese and onion rings.
"I haven't ordered any pizza," I said. "This must be a mistake."
"No, it's not," he replied. "Your neighbor forgot his Facebook password and wanted to show you what he was eating for dinner."
Florida Man Parks Smart Car In Kitchen So It Won’t Blow Away
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (AP) — It started as a light-hearted challenge between a Florida couple, can a Smart car fit into their kitchen? The answer: Yes it can.
Patrick Eldridge parked his smart car in his kitchen to protect it from Hurricane Dorian because he did- n’t want it to “blow away” and to prove that he can park his car there.
Jessica Eldridge said her car was already parked in the garage. To avoid cleaning
their garage out, her husband pro- posed to park it in the house.
“I said there was no way he could. He said he could,” Jessica said. “So he opened the dou- ble doors and had it in. I was amazed that it could fit. He had it in with no prob- lems.”
Dorian was skirt- ing Florida’s coast Wednesday, nar- rowly missing Jacksonville as it heads northward along the Georgia, South Carolina and North Carolina coastlines.
The Category 2 storm has devas- tated the Bahamas, where rescue crews have only begun taking the full measure of the damage.
With the car in the middle of the kitchen, Jessica Eldridge had to move around it to cook and serve dinner.
“I’m hoping he will pull it out pretty soon once the wind dies down,” she said. “There is room and it’s not in the way but my dogs are confused by it.”
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine