Page 16 - IAV Digital Magazine #419

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Lovely Valentine True Story
Doting Couple Have Used the Same Valentine's Day Card for 70 years
There's no danger of 88-year-old Harry Ward forgetting his wife Doris's Valentine's Day card - the couple still use the same one he bought her 70 years ago.
When 17-year-old Harry Ward presented his sweetheart Doris with a Valentine's Day card as he boarded a train to join the wartime effort on 14th February, 1941, he must have been fair- ly confident his affec- tions would be requited. After all the couple had been dating since they met in a Bristol café three months earlier. Little can he have imag- ined that 70 years on, not only would he still be happily married to Doris, but that every year she would present him with the very same card he gave her at the railway station that Valentine's day.
Now the card is set to make another appear- ance on the couple's mantelpiece as Mrs Ward, 87, dusts it off in time the celebrations.
'I bring it out of the cup- board and put it on our mantelpiece every
Valentine's Day,' she said. 'It's as special to menowasitwas70- years-ago. Harry has never bought me one since, because I have this one every year.'
The couple married in 1942 so Will and Guy have discovered; and they went on to have two daughters, two granddaughters and four great grandchildren. They had met in a café in November 1940 after Mrs Ward, who was in domestic service, had missed her bus home.
Mr Ward, now 88, told us, 'I knew Doris was the one for me the
moment I met her. It was a heck of a night during the Blitz, but at least it meant we met each other. I gave her the Valentine's card then and she is still my Valentine now.'
Mrs Ward's card which reads, "Two hearts entwine this Valentine. True love makes it sin- cere"
In addition we were told, 'The secret to our happy marriage is that we never go to bed without a kiss goodnight. We are as still in love as the day he first gave me this card.'
A man was in the hospi- tal, lying on a bed with an oxygen mask strapped over his nose and mouth.
A pretty young student nurse entered his room and started giving him a sponge bath.
"Nurse," the man mum- bled, "are my testicles black?"
The nurse was taken aback, embarrassed. "I don't know sir," she said. "I'm only supposed to wash your feet and upper body."
"Nurse," he mumbled again with difficulty, "Please check. Are my testicles black?"
Not wanting his blood pressure and heart rate to go up worrying over his testicles, she decided to ease his concern and pulled back the covers.
She raised his gown, held his manhood in one hand, and his testicles gently in the other. Then she examined them very closely, moving them around carefully to make sure she didn't miss a thing.
"Your testicles aren't black, sir," she said, "there's nothing wrong with them. They look fine."
The man slowly pulled off his oxygen mask and smiled at her, then he said very slowly:
"Are. My. Test. Results. Back?"
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watch-
ing him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love. After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"
"I Didn't feel a thing!"
The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?"
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."
The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman says: "Doctor that was a bril- liant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"
The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth closed that does the trick."
This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in
health food, and exer- cise.
When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their man- sion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi.
As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven."
Next they went out back to survey the champi- onship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth.
The old man asked, "What are the green fees?". Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."
Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lec- tured, "That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."
With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.
The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, and healthy diets. I could have been here ten years ago!"
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