Page 30 - Tree of Happiness

PARENT NOTES
THE TREE OF HAPPINESS-PART ONE
TOPIC: Learning that you must overcome adversity both internal and external and that the “Tree of Happiness” is within each of us. This story has two parts and differs from the other stories in several ways. Once again, the main character, the Princess who becomes the Queen, is caught up in her irrational beliefs. However, in this story she has the aid of an Elf. Unlike many other Coping Skills characters, the Queen will unsuspecting overcome her Stinky Thinking and replace it with Good Thinking. By the end of the story, she will be the kind of person we all want to become.
In Part One, you find a young princess who is very unhappy because the Wizard has told her that she was born under the “wrong stars.” Because of this, he tells her, she will never be happy, have friends or do well in school. Believing this prediction, she never tries to make friends or do well in school and consequently is very unhappy.
We use the Wizard in Part One to impart the irrational beliefs to the Princess to illustrate an important concept. The WHY and WHERE of irrational beliefs are not important. We may not know why we believe something that is totally false or even where the idea started. The fact that we believe it is true is what is important.
This is often very confusing and frustrating for adults. If your child has the belief “I will never be able to do well in school,” then it will be very difficult for them to succeed. And your attempts to help with encouragement or perhaps punishment, will be frustrating at the temporary nature of success with these efforts. It is important to help your child to recognize their "Stinky Thinking" and to develop rational "challenges" to those beliefs, "If others can do it, so can I but it will take time and be difficult."
If your child has the belief “No one can like me, I am unlovable,” their effort to learn effective social skills will be half hearted and they will generate self -fulfilling beliefs
as they become the person who tries too hard to please (and may thus be manipulated by others) and is crushed by any perceived rejection. Help them develop and practice simple skills such as paying a true complement... without any expection of it
being accepted.
The ability to be nice, concerned and helpful will generate more positive social response than just about anything. And a realistic expectation of others will allow a child to not be "crushed" by rejection. Don't search for the Why and Where, of your child's stinky thinking, accept that these irrational beliefs are “Wizard Statements” and have a life of their own in your child's belief system.
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