Page 45 - Three of Happiness

But as in the fable, when the Queen faced the Dragon, it turned and ran away. Most situations we fear get scarier the more we avoid them. Once faced, they usually turn out to be very manageable and then, we can’t imagine why we were so afraid of them.
An understanding that Dragons (personal fears) are to be faced and rarely avoided is a very difficult and demanding lesson. The skill to use coping self-messages and to face these fears takes practice.
When your child says, "I don't want to..." they may really be saying "I am afraid to...". Help them get in touch with what they are thinking..." When you think about...(trying out for the play, talking to ....," and so on. "What are you also telling yourself about..."
They may say that they may look foolish or will be embarrased and made fun of. All of this is good information that you and your child can discuss as examples of their "dragons". Remind them of what the Queen told herself about facing the Dragon and how even though she was afraid, she knew she would have to face it.
It is a truth that the more you avoid facing your dragons, the stronger they become but once you face them, you realize that you can deal with only this dragon but others that arise.
In the fable, after the Dragon is gone, the Queen tells the crowd that they must be ready to face it or any like it if they come back. Difficulties (Dragons) are a part of life and facing them each and every time they come up is an important part of this lesson.
When your child says "but I am afraid" and you know it is an irrational "dragon fear", you can respond, "You know we always confront our dragons so lets go and take care of this one right now."
The story ends with the Queen coming to the realization that all of her original concerns were no longer problems. She had overcome her fears. She had gotten rid of the Wizard Statements she had believed. She had learned how to make friends. She was in charge of her life.
Being in charge of her life is what the Elf meant when he said, “You may never need to come back to it again .” She was no longer overly dependent on others or fearful of life.
With what she had learned through the accomplishment of the Tasks, she was now truly in control of her own happiness.
One of the important things you want children to understand from Part 2 is that it is okay to be afraid. But you must think about your fear and what you are telling yourself to make you afraid. Now ask yourself, “What is the worst that could happen .” Usually the worst is something manageable. Our Queen was able to use Good Thinking to control her fear and anxiety and do what was necessary to accomplish her Tasks. In so doing, her percep on of herself changed. She no longer saw herself as unlikable, weak and stupid. She was now brave and able to handle di cult situa ons. Those are skills all of us must have to enter the Tree of Happiness.
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