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Assertiveness is not just disagreeing with someone. It is doing so in a manner that is not intended to generate anger or embarrassment. With assertive behavior, the existence of highly charged negative emotions is a function of the other person’s irrational (Stinky) beliefs, not the assertiveness of the speaker.
In our Toad example, Bear A said, “I hate that toad because he is green.” An assertive response could be, “I can’t think of any reason to dislike someone because of color. Trees are green and we all like them.”
When practicing assertiveness skills, remember that sometimes others will get angry because you disagree with them. Their anger does not mean you should change your opinion or behavior. If they choose to be angry, just walk away from them.
Avoiding being prejudiced and not cooperating with the prejudice of others is a difficult task. As we pointed out in many of these lessons, the skills to become successful, happy adults begin in childhood. Like any skill, we start with an understanding and then we practice and practice.
If you learn these skills as children you will have many years to practice them before adulthood. If you wait until you are an adult to understand these life coping skills (as is frequently the case), you will experience all the failures and frustrations that come with any lately acquired skill. Learning how to not be prejudiced is a skill that you will often need in your life.
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