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PARENT NOTES Discovering the Woolly Whiners
TOPIC: We inadvertently reinforce behaviors in children that can cause them a lifetime of problems. From the title, you can guess that the story is about whining.
Whining behavior is the result of thinking that life should always turn out the way you want and expect. When it doesn’t, you continue to insist that it should and you may become angry.
But the behavior associated with anger is frequently punished. So, rather than change your Stinky Thinking you engage in the manipulative behavior classified as whining.
Whining is not as abrasive as angry behavior but it stems from the same irrational beliefs.
Unfortunately, whining frequently achieves its aim and you get what you want. This is validation of a “should” belief (I should be able to stay up as late as I want) and you develop a dysfunctional coping scheme.
This type of whining behavior does not go away just because you get older. It may only changes its form. You continue to manipulate others in a less obvious manner to get them to do what you want, even if it is not in their best self-interest.
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