Page 34 - Priorities #50 2011-June/July

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Caption
Using stories as a way of negotiating differences or getting to the root cause of a problem works because, unlike reasoning, stories are not linear in nature.
When negotiating differences in either a conflict or decision- making process, it is essential to hear, appreciate, understand, and acknowledge all of the perspectives. It turns out that stories are the quickest way to gain important insights. We are inclined to rationally explain and justify our perspectives; however, there are always experiences, values, and beliefs behind perspectives. Stories shed light on these things and can reveal a whole host of hard-to- identify motivations, like fears and self-interests. Stories get to the heart of matters and help us imagine other perspectives.
What’s inherently difficult about negotiating differences is that when faced with two strong points of views, opinions, or ideas, there is always
some validity
to each of them.
This can be
paralyzing. If
each point of
view has some validity, how do you draw a fair conclusion? Think about how a trial works. Each side presents its story. A jury has to work through each side of the story. In the end, they synthesize all of the information and formulate a story of their own in order to make a decision.
Using stories as a way of negotiating differences or getting to the root cause of a problem works because, unlike reasoning, stories are not linear in nature. While the sequence of events in a story follows a logical order, the themes and messages contained in it allow our minds to entertain paradoxes. Through stories we can simultaneously hold multiple and conflicting points of view as being true and consider them all without one negating the other. This leads to a very rich experience, since our minds must open to a whole world of nuances.
When we actively listen to stories we are invited to enter a novel frame of reference. The story provides us with the material to work emotionally and logically with new information. Placing two or more viewpoints side by side offers us an opportunity to imagine a whole new set of possibilities previously hidden to us. The stories give us a safe and often depersonalized sand box to work out our differences.
Do you ever feel a chasm between yourself and another person? Perhaps his point of view is so different from your own that you find it unthinkable to even entertain it. Like many of you I’m sure, I have sat through many meetings in which the ostensible subject is diversity among employees, for example, but in which most of the meeting is given over to celebrating similarities rather than recognizing the uniqueness of every individual—a uniqueness that
goes beyond, race, ethnicity, gender, or creed. Differentiation is the key to survival. Millions of species would not be alive today were it not for Nature’s careful attention to differences. The question is how can we account for both similarity and difference? Stories can save the day.
SMB: What makes an effective story?
TLG: An effective story is any one that incites insight within us and or between others. Are you drawn into the story? Does it move your heart? Does the story deepen or challenge your current understanding? Does the story spur you to imagine new possibilities? Does it beg you to reach outside of yourself to seek something that you alone cannot give yourself?
By their nature stories are fluid. Stories overlap memories with the context of the moment. I find stories in collages and clusters to be more truthful than pinning the entirety of a message in a single story. All the greatest stories are vast little universes with an orbit of small story fragments. The depth and veracity of stories is more easily perceived when scanning the pattern and intention of stories in proximity with one another. I am naturally distrustful of single