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72 SPIRIT AND THE MIND
develops the faith and courage to reveal more and is spurred on by the desire to be rid of the emotional pain of fear, depression and/or anxiety arising from conflicts, as well as the desire for finding greater pleasure and gratification and more meaningful life experiences.
As repressed childhood experiences are brought to awareness, the patient begins to relive the experience—regressing to that period of life when the conflict occurred. Reactions, feelings and defenses become characteristic of the earlier developmental stage. Four instance at the Oedipal stage one is engaged in balancing their relationships with mother and father – at the earlier phallic stage, awakening to their own childhood sexuality – at the yet earlier anal stage, investigating issues of control – and at the earliest oral stage, establishing a sense of being safe in the world.
As A.T. became more aware of the anal stage of development, something new began to develop. At this state, the child struggles with the parent for control, the child wanting complete freedom and the parent wanting the active youngster to contain him/herself so responses are socially acceptable—the central theme, of course, being toilet training.
One aspect of love at this level is the parent’s understanding and awareness of the developmental task that the child faces. The parent must be sensitive and caring, yet capable of appropriate discipline and rule-setting. If the parent is too overpowering, manipulative and harsh, the child can feel shame and humiliation—with his/her spirit broken. Or if the parents fail to show the necessary discipline, also a part of caring and love, the child may feel out of control and unloved.
The child struggles—that’s part of the natural growth process; but the struggling can be greatly complicated and accentuated if one feels not understood or loved. Conflict might manifest by the child refusing to produce a bowel movement or by not responding as parents would wish.
A.T.’s responses and behavior revealed a struggle with anal conflicts. For instance, at one point in the treatment she was quick to feel shame, embarrassment and humiliation—a loss of confidence, which made her anticipate failure and criticism with even easy tasks. This is a constellation of feelings and responses characteristic of the anal stage of development. While taking a computer course, for example, she became so afraid of making a mistake that she wanted to drop out. This in a woman who was almost a straight-A student. She became hesitant to show anger, to express emotions of any kind, withholding as one would expect during toilet training.