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always administering to someone. There was a ceremony at which he blessed 50 newlyweds. He was always giving gis to service workers in the ashram, giving sweets to his devotees, and taking people in for interviews. He was tireless in his giving of love.
Nonetheless, he seemed a bit distant from me, so I was le with myself during long periods of silence to watch my mad monkey mind. A thought would pop up, and I would become engrossed in it and then realize that it was just a passing thought. I would spend a moment wrestling with it, trying to rid myself of it. Then, I would quiet the mind and simply tell myself that it was possible not to think about it anymore. I asked myself whether it was possible to give up disturbing thoughts or if there were reasons that I wanted to hold onto conflict for some self-destructive purpose? Was I afraid to give up troubling thoughts? I could see that I might choose to stay in the world of thoughts and feelings to defend myself against the mortal fear of nothingness.
Sometimes we can see plainly that we are fearful of giving up wealth, intellect, and relationships, and that worry and conflict grow out of these aachments. Swami is not telling us to throw away all earthly gains, only to not be aached or emotionally reactive. Peace will come if we can aain this level of detachment. We have to be brave in the face of feeling the possibility of nothingness.
Swami had my family in for an interview and materialized a beautiful diamond ring for me. He declared, “Die mind,” meaning that the part of the mind that desires and aaches to the external world needed to die. He said, “No more desire, no more aachment.” I realized Swami was telling me to surrender my mind.
Then Swami, motioning to the external objects all around, said, “Everything is nothing,” and then, pointing to his hand, he continued, “and nothing is everything.” So it must be that although we are frightened to let go of all false aachments,
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